


fascination of you

by insanitydreamer



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Drama, EunHae, I'm gonna add more characters as the time goes, M/M, and donghae being insecure most of the times, haehyuk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-06-12 12:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 34,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15339990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/insanitydreamer/pseuds/insanitydreamer
Summary: eunhae/haehyuk | I’ve been spending half of my life with you, might as well spending the rest of it together, shall we?AU by Hyukjae as a dancer while Donghae is an executive that works for Siwon, while Heechul is a clothes designer.and Donghae's insecurities when it comes to Hyukjae.





	1. pt.1

**Author's Note:**

> this is going to be a slow story with lots of flashback so enjoy!

Donghae would always find a way to adore Hyukjae, either hugging him, pinching his cheeks, patting his hair, or as long as he touches parts of his, he is content enough.

“Let’s see, Donghae, what would you like to—”

But Donghae still likes Hyukjae’s voice the best.

Although the fact that everyone but Hyukjae know how much he adored him to the point of being mistaken as boyfriends, the latter always brush off by “What are you guys saying, we’re friends, _friends_.” and would laugh afterwards.

He isn’t wrong, though.

“Donghae-ah.”

Donghae really likes how the way Hyukjae calls his name, soft and hints of endearment in his tone, whether the latter did in on purpose or he did it without him realizing himself.

Or actually, he adores every aspect of Hyukjae’s.

“Hey, idiot, I was asking you!” Donghae snapped into reality by Hyukjae fumes while softly slaps his hand, trying to get the younger’s attention. “Earth to Donghae!”

Donghae blinks, “Uh?” he blinks again, only to see Hyukjae lets out a big sigh. “Sorry, what was it?”

“If you’re not going to eat then I’ll just order for myself.” Hyukjae sighs again as he calls the waiter, back facing Donghae who unconsciously pouts by the way he treats him. As he understood the meaning behind it, Hyukjae groans, “Okay, okay, then order something. I’m hungry.”

Although Hyukjae didn’t let it show, it’s obvious enough to Donghae that he became self-conscious of him these days by avoiding him bits by bits.

“I’ll have the same as yours, then.”

“You should’ve said that earlier, dammit.”

It really shows by Hyukjae trying to avoid Donghae at all cost.

Donghae only hums in reply, already distracted by slowly playing with Hyukjae’s hand. Aside of avoiding his eyes, Hyukjae’s still carefree enough to let him doing physical contact as he usually does—although he winches when Donghae tries to do anything on him, he still pretends it didn’t show on him when it actually does.

He can’t really blame or feel wronged by Hyukjae giving him cold shoulders these days, though.

Since he confessed to Hyukjae and asked him to marry out of blue.

* * *

“Isn’t it better if I didn’t confess, after all?” Donghae sighs, already on the second glass of soju, while Siwon is in front of him, patiently listening to every parts of his exasperation. “I didn’t expect him to return the feeling, but if it ends this way I’d rather not confessing.”

Siwon shrugs while his hand flipping the meat, prevent them for burning. “I can’t say that you’re wrong, but what I’m sure is that your confession brought a big shock for him.” Donghae actually feels sorry for Siwon who has to listen to his failed confession at this late, knowing that as a CEO like him would rather spent the night to sleep after an exhausting day at work and wake up early to work tomorrow but still chosen an option to stay a late dinner here with him. “Especially Hyukjae’s a type who isn’t used to a such big change in his life.”

Donghae sighs again.

“It wasn’t my intention to confess.”

“Well, since you didn’t, but finally did, here’s the result of it.”

 _He isn’t wrong, but still_. Donghae huffs, “I didn’t ask him out, though.”

“So, you mean by asking him to marry you isn’t asking him out?” Siwon scoffs, along with Donghae’s grunt, but he isn’t finished yet. “Won’t you surprised if someone suddenly asked you to marry them?”

“I wasn’t in the right mind, then.” Donghae weakly reply. Siwon approves by calm nods. “The situation’s that bad, huh.”

“Well, yes, it is?” Siwon responds as if it’s not the most obvious answer in the moment. “Then, can I give you some advices?”

“… do you have to?”

“No, but it probably helps.”

Donghae ponders for a while, but soon he nods, “… okay then, please do.”

* * *

The reason why Donghae asked Hyukjae to marry instead of asked him out is obvious actually.

 _Since they have spent almost half of ther life together, might as well go all the way?_ —was what Donghae thought recently. By recently he meant like, in recent two years after he turned thirty.

 _Well,_ since both free and single so why not?

He didn’t mind to spent the rest of his life with Hyukjae, actually.

(Unfortunately, Hyukjae isn’t on the same boat as he is.)

Donghae sighs as he throws himself on the couch, mentally exhausted after pretending to not notice Hyukjae’s avoidance of the topic in these days when he sent the elder home after their little routine—having dinner when they can after work—as usual, by smiling like he always does and chatting as nothing happens. Hyukjae never brought the topic up after that, and does the same as he is, only to make Donghae feels weird even more.

He actually already expected this to happen, but still.

 _Yet still_.

Something in his chest sank even further when he thinks about it.

Although he did as Siwon adviced, by not forcing it on Hyukjae, and gave the older some time to thought, and when it still didn’t work, he has no choice but accept it.

But even so, he couldn’t help but still hoping even for a bit. Only for a bit.

To the point he actually regretting his decision a whole lot more than he thought he is.

* * *

That night, Donghae dreamt of standing in front of an altar.

It was hazy, by his sight blurred like a flashback in a drama, with people standing, waiting the partner of his showing up and then flashes to the church gate opened, shows his partner with their father.

Donghae reflexively squint in order to see his future partner, body responding by itself although he already knew everything he sees right now is anything but dream.

As he sees the bottom of the figure, his eyes raising by looking up, only to open his eyes wide in shock when he could recognize them by their smile.

A shy smile that shows gummy teeth he knew so well—

Abruptly, he wakes up by jolting, overwhelmed by shock that shoots through his entire body system, as he tries to catch his breath, still in disbelief by the sight he seen in his dream a while ago.

_Is that person really what he thought he is—_

Rather than happiness surges in him, it’s sorrow that soon hits him, realize the fact that his dream won’t come true—the wish of marrying Hyukjae was a mistake to begin with, he doesn’t even have the right to even think about it—he even shouldn’t hope anything about it at this point.

Not even a bit parts of him had right to even wish anything about Hyukjae right now.

It was 4 a.m. on Sunday when Donghae cried the hardest in his life, for the first time regretting the choice he picked, being him became thirty-two this year.

_Him confessing itself isn’t a choice he should picked carelessly._

* * *

It suddenly comes off Donghae’s mind at that night; Hyukjae and him were eating dinner on a restaurant near his apartment, engulfing the grilled meats while chatters in between, occasionally Hyukjae drinking some glasses of soju while Donghae decided to stay sober so any of them could go home safely, since both of their alcohol tolerance aren’t high enough to be able to go home without wobbling and slurring (and may ended up passed out on the street, and that isn’t cool at all).

“Hyukjae-ah.”

“What.”

“Wanna get married?”

It was a whim of Donghae’s, by him thinking that Hyukjae and him already spending their life together almost two decades, knowing each other inside out outside of their head and both single and free in their thirties—Hyukjae said he just doesn’t want to think anything like that for now while Donghae find it hard to meet his ideals, no matter how many times he tries to date females in his office, it just won’t work out.

None of them are appealing enough for him to take their relationship as far as marriage as he always longing for.

Hyukjae blinked, neither surprised nor taken aback, as he looked at Donghae from the head to the lowest region of him sitting down, before he asked him, “Were you in a ridiculous journey before realizing that you couldn’t date females for a long time because you found out that you’re gay?”

“Wha—no!” Taken aback, Donghae almost fell off his chair if Hyukjae didn’t reflexively hold his arms to stop the mess he’s going to make. The older man huffed, but Donghae speaks up, “Or maybe. I don’t know.”

“Which is it, dammit.” Hyukjae groaned, but Donghae actually sigh in relief that the older man only looked annoyed but definitely didn’t look disgusted by the idea. “Why _me_ , of all people?”

“I…” _Why_ , though? Donghae didn’t think it that far, actually. “I don’t know.” Hyukjae about to retort but he quickly recovered, “But I think I can do it if it’s you.”

Hyukjae sighed, “Do you realize of what are you saying right now?”

“If I am will that disgust you?” Although Donghae wasn’t sure what’s gotten into him to ask Hyukjae that in a whim—and he wasn’t even sure about his sexual orientation, actually—but if the older man became suddenly hated him because of this it’ll make his world crumble for sure.

“No, that’s too harsh,” Hyukjae huffed, ate the last piece of the meats they grilled as lost in thought while chewing in silence for a few seconds. “I think it’s more like mixed reactions? But disgusted isn’t one of them, that’s what I’m sure of.” Donghae sighed in relief. “If I accept that offer will that makes me gay too?”

“I think it’ll be better if you don’t put any label on it, though.” Donghae advices.

Hyukjae hummed, but still looked deeply in thought—that Donghae assumed he was trying to calculate both disadvantages and advantages of his offer—as he looked at the younger man for a while, before he finally speaks up, “Can you give me some time to think about it?”

“I don’t mind,” both of his corner lips slightly raised, approving but he stops, “But you know, actually, you don’t have to force yourself—”

“No, no, no, that’s not it—”

“If it makes us weird I think it’s better to forget it—”

“It won’t, okay?” Hyukjae stood up, ready to paid the bill since tonight is his turn to pay. “Just, let me think about it.” Donghae wanted to speak up but he cut him off, “It’ll just the same old but with some spices, no?”

… _spices_? “That… sounds weird, actually.”

“Yeah? Now you know.”

* * *

(It supposed to not change anything between them.

But it is.

 _It is changed._ )


	2. pt.2

_“Aren’t you an idiot, Lee Donghae.”_

“Shut up, you.”

Donghae really made a bad decision by calling Heechul in midst of his afternoon break to tell everything about his worries.

_“I mean,”_ He can hear Heechul cackling in the background, which annoys Donghae even more but he held everything in, not wanting making fuss in his workplace and risking him getting fired. _“How can you be so sure about your feeling being not mutual?”_ Donghae frowns, _what is he saying now?_ “You sure you’ve tried to ask him again?”

He mouthed _no_ before he soon says, “I don’t want to make everything worse than this—”

_“No, no, listen to me Lee Donghae,”_ Heechul’s voice grows away, sounds like he put his phone away for a second to answering his employees about work—he works as clothes designer and owns a boutique that famous among idols because of its design that follows the trend and suitable for youngster these days. _“I’m close to Hyukjae, aren’t I?”_ Donghae knows that very much, since they are drinking buddies and he was the one that always picked Hyukjae home when the older man passed out back then. _“One thing that I’m sure of is, you should ask him again.”_

Donghae blinks. _Huh?_ “Why?” By Hyukjae avoiding the topic and being conscious of everything Donghae did on him are enough proofs for him that the older silently rejecting him, why Heechul telling him to do it again? “How can you be so sure?”

Heechul sighs on the other line, sounds rather frustrated, _“Well, it’s fine if you don’t want to,”_ Noises are heard from the background; seems like Heechul telling his employees to hurry up or something while the older man writes something on papers—it sounds like he’s signing something by how fast the sounds he strokes the papers. _“What I’m trying to say is you should do it again so you won’t regret anything.”_

_Too late, Hyung, I’ve already regret everything_ , but Donghae swallows it down to his throat, not wanting to remember of what he did yesterday. He had cried enough that nothing left on his lacrimal glands, not even a drop.

“What if he rejects again, then?”

“Then you can call me after that and I’ll comfort you.”

* * *

 

It was a week later after his call with Heechul when Hyukjae showing up in front of Donghae’s apartment, with scarf almost buried his head and thick oversized coat wraps him like a burrito, without any prior notice unlike he would always do when he’s coming to visit him.

The Lee Hyukjae that Donghae knew always messaged him first before coming to his apartment, no matter what.

“Hyukjae? What are you doing here?” Instead of being happy that he finally met Hyukjae physically after a hectic week on his workplace—they were only messaging each other these days since they were too busy to meet for dinner like usual—he’s flustered, actually, since he didn’t expect it at all. “Hyukjae—”

But Hyukjae already made his way by coming in—Donghae isn’t complaining, though—and make himself comfortable on the sofa in silence, still doesn’t say anything even when Donghae approached him but still confused by everything.

Donghae sighs, but complies by sitting next to Hyukjae, whose eyes still on him but lips tightly shut, seems like waiting for him to settle down before his lips made any movement.

It scares him, actually.

“So?” Donghae finally speaks up after mustering his courage, couldn’t bear the fact that Hyukjae has been staring at him for almost five minutes without blinking—and it’s uncomfortable but he even doesn’t know what he supposed to do in this kind of situation either. “Kind to explain?”

“Do you remember when the last time was I had relationship with someone?” Hyukjae suddenly asked, but his eyes still on Donghae which to be honest made him more uncomfortable as the time grows but he seems ignoring it. Of course, Donghae nodded, he was _there_ to listened an earful of Hyukjae’s post-breakup sadness after all. Or course he knew. “Okay, next, why were you purposing me?”

Well.

Donghae lets out a small cough, slightly taken aback on the way Hyukjae asking without certain pattern he was trying to figuring out as soon as the latter open his mouth. This is definitely out of his prediction. “The reason’s kinda stupid, though, so maybe you don’t want to hear it—” Hyukjae’s stares began sharpened, suddenly brings goosebumps on his back. “Okay, sorry, I’ll explain.” His stares slowly soften. “You do remember how long we has been knew each other aren’t you.” Hyukjae nods. “Well, I was thinking… how nice it’ll be if we might as well spend the rest of our life together since we’ve been spending most of our life already.” The older man’s eyes soften, Donghae can see it, but he still hasn’t say anything. “To tell you the truth, it was on a whim.”

Hyukjae hums, but still isn’t show any other reactions.

_Is it not convincing enough?_ “But what I’m sure of is I can do it if it’s you.” Donghae sighs. “The marriage, I mean. I can’t imagine myself married another man than you.”

“Is that a proposal?” was Hyukjae question, finally responding Donghae’s speeches.

“Well… that’s what I’ve been trying to say since the beginning?” Why he slowly feels irritated by Hyukjae’s slow comprehension here? “We still could spend the rest by being as friend, though, if you don’t want to.”

Hyukjae didn’t respond for a while.

It is actually understandable, actually, for Hyukjae to reject him right here, since Donghae would definitely reject himself if it was him. Being suddenly purposed out of blue and there’s no romantic upbringings or romantic setup or whatever itself in the process too isn’t sound like a pleasant surprise to begin with.

Or from a dense Donghae that Hyukjae always handle him like a monk—although often ended by Hyukjae getting frustrated and starts calling him idiot and jokingly beat him.

“Wanna kiss then?”

Donghae pulled his head back in surprise as he exclaims, “Huh??” still can’t grasp the situation, he soon exclaims again, “Suddenly??” Hyukjae simply nods. “ _Is your head okay??_ ”

Hyukjae tilts his head in confusion, “Isn’t that what you want?”

“HEY! DO YOU THINK I ASK PEOPLE OUT JUST TO KISS SOMEONE??” Donghae finally snaps, getting frustrated by the way Hyukjae trying to twist something so that he could get out of this—actually simple—situation. _If he doesn’t want to he can just reject me! Why is he—_ “Goddammit Hyukjae I’m not that low! I—”

Not caring Donghae’s snaps, he casually takes off his scarfs as unbutton his coat while cuts him off, “No, no, listen to me Lee Donghaek.” The younger man still looks frustrated, but he stops, reflexively listening to the older man well. He pulls his hair back, which ended up messing his hair but Hyukjae seems he doesn’t even care as he says, “What I’m trying to say here is I’m okay with it.”

“You… what?”

“Well, we can start with try dating first.” Hyukjae’s gum smile shows, which actually a relief to Donghae but confuse him even more. “Since I’ve heard your reason.” God, the smile that Donghae actually loved—but he never told Hyukjae—shows on his face. “Is that okay with you?”

Donghae rapidly nods, doesn’t want to let go of the chance that Hyukjae offers at the moment. Hyukjae wanting to try dating is enough for him for now, he doesn’t want to push his luck even further than he is now.

He doesn’t want to get his hopes up and being miserable more than he is now.

“Now, wanna try kissing?”

Donghae’s eyes dilate in surprise—for how many times he did today. “That soon?” Hyukjae easily nods. “S-sure?” He was about to approach Hyukjae but only to be pushed back by Hyukjae who already stands up, his legs between Donghae’s. “Uh, Hyukjae- _ssi_?”

“I’ve been curious about this position,” He freely straddle on Donghae’s lap as Hyukjae put his arms around the younger’s neck, only to surprise him more but the older only grins in response, “I’ve seen lots of girls doing this to their boyfriend so I’m curious about how it actually feels like.” He leans closer, “And it’s not like I can straddle girl’s lap, right?”

That’s… escalated too quick for Donghae, but what happened already happens so… “Well, it depends but mostly no, you can’t.” he reflexively wraps his arms around Hyukjae’s waist in response, isn’t as surprised as he is before. “I just wanna tell you that there’s no girl in this relationship like how people stereotype gay—or actually someone like us.” Hyukjae responds by a light nod. “We’re both guys, okay?”

“Okay,” Hyukjae leans even closer while Donghae wraps his arm tighter, only to make both of them laughs in return. “Okay, this feels a bit weird, to be honest.” He lightly chuckles, which strangely feels refreshing to Donghae since it’s the first time that Hyukjae looks adorable in his eyes. “But I can’t say that I dislike it—” He takes a chance by giving Hyukjae a peck on his cheeks, “Hey!”

“Is it still feels weird?” Donghae smiles ear to ear, though. Hyukjae responds by shake his head while giggling _no_ in return. “Now, let me ask you,” his smile soften as he asks again, “Why do you want to try it?”

“Well,” Hyukjae hums, “Spending the rest of my life with you doesn’t sounds bad at all?” he freed one of his hand to ruffle Donghae’s hair gently. “You’re too stupid to live by yourself anyway.”

“Hey!” Donghae acts annoyed but only to broke a chuckle on a few seconds later. “I’m not that stupid!”

“Yes, you are.” Hyukjae soon chuckles, influenced by Donghae who became all smiley. “So?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Sure.”

“Can you close your eyes then?”

So Hyukjae did.

Donghae hesitates, suddenly realizes that these kinds of thing would never crossed in his mind although he does realize that the love he has for Hyukjae isn’t about love as brothers or friends for a long time ago. Is he really made a right choice here? Or is he only follows his lust here?

Or Hyukjae is?

“Aren’t you going to kiss me?” Hyukjae’s question snaps Donghae to reality, only to realize that he has been thinking for a long time that the older man opens his eyes again, looks more confused than Donghae thought he would be. “Or did you change your mind now?”

“No, I…” Donghae sighs. What was he thinking? He should have been happy that it turned this way; Hyukjae accepts him although he didn’t say it directly, but still it shows that their feelings at least mutual enough for them to start trying dating. “Sorry, can you close your eyes again?”

So Hyukjae closes his eyes again, although he looks confused with the pause Donghae did earlier, only soon a bit eased by Donghae gently leans his lips on his, slow and sweet.

The kiss was brief, by Donghae pulls back a few seconds later, heart thumped like crazy as thin blush seeps on his ears, feels hot all of sudden.

God, Hyukjae’s lips are softer than Donghae thought.

Hyukjae chuckles, though, as embarrassed as he is, by redness seeps on his cheeks. “Oh, wow.” He soon laughs in embarrassment, looks like he didn’t exactly know how to react. “Wow.”

Donghae’s eyes soften, however, although he only responds by small smile. _Wow, indeed._

The older male sheepishly smiles as he trails his fingertips on Donghae’s cheeks before says, “I still couldn’t feel it on my lips; can you do it again?”

Donghae willingly complies by pulling Hyukjae for a kiss again.


	3. pt.3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because today is my birthday, I'll be generous with a faster update! enjoy!

_It was a dream._

Or so Donghae thought when he wakes up in the next morning, groggily scratches his body with eyes blinking, trying to wake himself up as he grabbing his phone on the nightstand, checking if there’s any important messages from his work.

There’s none.

He put his phone back before he turns his back, only to found Hyukjae was sleeping peacefully on his bed.

 _It was real_.

He momentarily gasps in silence, wondering how come Hyukjae is on his bed only to remember that the latter asked if he could spend the night since it was already too late for him to go home. They only slept together in a bed. Platonic sleeping, if Donghae could describe the situation?

No taking off clothes involved or anything.

No.

Nope.

Sighing, Donghae takes his time to admire Hyukjae’s sleeping face—things that he rarely seen since they started to have job and became _proper adult_ and live separately—as his fingers slowly ruffles Hyukjae’s hair, smiles as he remembered what happened last night.

It was too good to be true, actually.

Hyukjae shakes his head gently, trying to stop anyone who trying to mess with his sleep as unconsciously muffling “Stop it…” before he slowly opens his eyes, about to tells off someone only when he realizes it was Donghae. “Hey—oh, it was you.”

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Donghae chuckles but his hand doesn’t stop ruffling Hyukjae’s hair as the latter grunts in reply. “Good morning?” Hyukjae blinks several times, trying to wake himself up by adjusting the sudden sunlight rays to his eyes. “Or do you want to sleep again? It’s still seven after all.”

Hyukjae shakes his head, squirms before he stretches his muscles while softly groans before he looks finally at least a bit more awake than before. “No, it’s okay.” He gets up before leans to Donghae, softly pecks his cheek as smile soon grows on his face. “Morning.”

_God, is he still dreaming?_

“I don’t think I can getting used to this…” Embarrassed, Donghae soon chuckles when Hyukjae unconsciously pouts in return, being more adorable than he already is. “But it’s nice.”

Hyukjae hums, “Of course it is.” He sheepishly stifles a laugh before he says, “I’ll go make breakfast.” and gets off the bed to go to the kitchen, leaving Donghae who’s still on the bed but soon he appears again in front of the door, adorably only shows his head. “As usual?”

Donghae gulps, slowly feels attacked by the sudden adorableness of Hyukjae that he never knew he had. “Uh, sure?” The older man’s head bobs in reply before left him again, only to make Donghae sighs in relief.

 _It feels like a dream_.

_A dream he doesn’t want to end._

* * *

Actually, it still feels like a dream to Donghae.

Nothing changed after they started dating; they only returned to normal like nothing happened like they never felt awkward to begin with. The only thing that changed is that they often exchanged kisses when there’s chance but only as far as soft kisses.

Donghae isn’t really mind, though. He prefers this way rather than being suddenly being cheesy and squishy just because they are dating only recently.

What he didn’t expect is Hyukjae was actually the type who’s more proactive by often initiate things first more than he is.

The first thing Hyukjae would do when they met is a peck on his cheek before smile that Donghae secretly loves plastered on his face, blushes lightly seeps his cheeks as he greets by _hey, long time no see_ or _hi there_ or any greeting that suits the situation. _Always._

And often ended up Donghae asked if it’s okay for him to kiss Hyukjae on the lips in public because the latter looks too adorable to not to which the older man quickly nods.

Not that Donghae mind, but still.

_It feels unreal._

Dating is great and all, but….

There’s something that makes Donghae still feels uneasy although he’s supposed to be happy with the result.

* * *

Donghae was in the middle of finishing his project when Siwon approached his desk, smirk plastered on his face with his strong eyebrows arched than he usually does, implying he knew something that Donghae wouldn’t rather know.

He still shows no reaction, silently rejecting Siwon’s presence, by fingers still tapping the keyboard harder, trying to tell Siwon that he doesn’t want to have any tea he has at the moment, but it only makes the older man approach even closer before an arm slings on his neck.

Only to strangle Donghae off.

“Hey! Let go—!” Donghae groans as both of his hands reflexively grab Siwon’s hands, trying to get his hand off him, but there’s no use since the older man only strangle him harder. “Dammit, Siwon, let go!”

He can tell Siwon rolls his eyes without him seeing as he says, “I think you forgetting something?”

“I—no??” He’s struggling letting go of Siwon’s hand, by the older man being more buff than him, which is makes him stronger than him, and which is make it hard for him to shrugs him off. “Hey, let go of me!!”

The older man sighs, finally letting go enough to not strangle but tight enough for a hug as he leans his head on top of Donghae’s head, snickers as he asks, “Heechul- _hyung_ said that it worked out?” _Oh, that’s what he was trying to dig._ Donghae scoffs, but he doesn’t let it shows—not that Siwon can see his response from their position, but still. “How long it has been?”

“It’s been three weeks, I think?” Donghae finally lets Siwon do whatever he wants as he starts to type again, returning to his work. “Why?”

Siwon hums, “Well, it finally worked out so I don’t have any complain.” He hums again, but soon he asks, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but is it just me or you don’t look happy at all?”

_Huh?_

_Is he?_

“Me?” Donghae blinks, but his fingers still typing while sometimes his right hand grabs the mouse to edit the missed content. “How so?” He does have some worries but he is content enough by what he has now, _so why?_

He can feel Siwon shrugs on top of his shoulder, but he still responds, “I don’t know, but it looks like that?”

Sighing, his fingers finally stop as he finally done with his work, finally giving Siwon attention he needs by looking up, only frowning his forehead more when he thinks about the older man’s question as he asks again, “ _How so?_ ”

“I said, _I don’t know_! My gut said so!” Siwon grumbles, looks as frustrated as Donghae is. Although Donghae knew that Siwon doing this to him because he genuinely worried about him, but him being vague about it only frustrate him even more. “Wanna have a drink at my place after this? Maybe you can pour your hearts out with some drink?”

Donghae shakes his head, “I already have a plan with Hyukjae tonight.”

“Ohhh, sticky to each other as usual, huh?” Donghae shush him with a flick on his chin, grunts _so what_ as he finally shoves Siwon off his head before he sends his work to the director’s secretary for a further action. “Where to?”

“None of your business?” Donghae scoffs, but soon laughs when Siwon’s expression suddenly sank in disappointment. “Nothing much, probably just watching movies in Hyukjae’s place with _chimaek_ like usual.”

“That’s so…”

“Bland?” Chuckling, Donghae only smiles as he says, “Yeah, I know.” He checks his table clock. 8 pm. He promised Hyukjae he’ll go as soon as he finishes his work but he did say that he’ll probably come at 9 in case something coming up at work. “Any ideas, then?”

“I don’t know, dinner at fancy places or something?” Siwon tilts his head, pondering of any good ideas that probably useful for his little friend. “It’s kinda difficult when it comes to Hyukjae, so…” he stops, staring at Donghae for a second before he says, “Hey, what about a vacation instead?”

 _That’s not a bad idea, actually, but…_ “Well, now it’s not the time, though. Hyukjae has gigs this month and I don’t really want to break his pace so I’ve been visiting his place instead.” He sighs as he turns his chair to Siwon who has been leaning on the wall of his workplace, probably thinking other ideas that he can accept. “Hey Boss, can you give me some time off when the time comes, then?”

“What’s your total percentage of your work of this month?”

“Probably already passed ninety percent as usual?”

“Well, for the love of my friend’s life,” Siwon gets up, a little smirk off his face as he pats Donghae’s head—although the older man knew he hated it very much—as he says, “Wait until the end of this month and we’ll see?”

“Don’t pat my head, dammit.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Siwon sighs, “I’ll send some ideas by messages later when I had one, then.”

Donghae chuckles, though. He really glad he has Siwon in his life, being supportive friend and all. “Thanks, really.” Siwon only nods as he pats Donghae’s head again. “Can I go home now?”

“Yeah, sure.”

He probably needs to demand some explanations from Siwon later for saying he doesn’t look as happy as he supposed to be later.

The priority he has now is to contact Hyukjae that he’ll come to his place earlier than he promised.

* * *

They really ended up watching movies at Hyukjae’s place with _chimaek_ as Donghae predicted.

Not that Donghae complained, actually, since he knew how busy Hyukjae these days is.

Hyukjae has been working as a choreographer since they graduated college eight years ago, pursuing the dreams he always had since he was little, instead of looking for job that his degree should get—both of them were majoring in Business. He did actually look for one, but immediately quit a month later as he finally found that although he likes his major, the job isn’t really for him.

Donghae was the one who suggested him to look for dance-related job since they used to be in a dance club back then in the college and he knew Hyukjae had the skill to make the job out of it, by him looked his happiest self when he’s dancing right on the beat, totally enjoying the moment the beat drops and lost in the music as he dances like there’s no tomorrow.

Now Hyukjae is one of the top choreographers in his workplace after through much hardships. He’s the most popular when it comes to giving strong impacts at the first sight, which is the reason why many companies get him to choreographing their new groups for a strong impact debut.

On the other hand, Donghae did get a job as his degree should have, which is being an accountant in a company that he only knew it was Siwon’s when it was his two years working there. He got promoted pretty fast, since he knew how to work efficiently and accurately, and is in a stable position as the executive director on his department, which helps him to relax a bit now since he doesn’t have to work as much as he used to back then.

The most important thing is that now he got to spend his time more with Hyukjae as the time they get older, since the latter doesn’t have fixed schedule and it was hard to match up their schedule back then.

“Hey,” Hyukjae suddenly speaks up, pulls Donghae to reality as the younger reflexively turn his head to him. “You’re busy tomorrow?” He shakes his head. No, he’s not. Tomorrow is Saturday and with his position in the company right now he doesn’t have to do the little works anymore. “Wanna spend the night here?”

“Is your preparation of the gig already done, though?” Donghae frowns. Hyukjae nods in reply. “Isn’t this already a week before the day?”

Smug faces slowly plastered on Hyukjae’s face as he grins, “Yeah, but I’ve done most of it so it’s okay, I can cut some slack. I’ve been sleeping less than four hours for a week now, I deserved some rest.” Donghae only hums as his fingers start to gently ruffles Hyukjae’s hair. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, though.”

A smirk appears on Donghae’s lips as he slowly asks, “Aww, do you want to sleep together later?” His eyes went crescent as he saw Hyukjae isn’t answering by words but by a light redness on his pale cheeks that he can clearly see even in the darkness they have right now—to enjoy the movie more, Hyukjae said. “Should I cuddle you later?”

Hyukjae’s lips open for a while, wanting to say something but soon feels hesitant as he turns tight-lipped and looks away from Donghae. Donghae’s still waiting, as it’s the first time Hyukjae acts this way to him and he’s waiting for what will happened next.

And then Hyukjae, by him still looks away from Donghae, finally murmurs by the pressure the younger man unconsciously gave to him, “…you can do more than that if you want.”

“Hmm?” He teases the older man by leans closer to Hyukjae, narrowing their proximity as he says, “What’s this? Is Lee Hyukjae trying to seduce me now?” Hyukjae hangs his head even lower, trying to avoid Donghae, seems like he realized what he said earlier. He laughs, though, before messing with Hyukjae’s hair and says, “But no, I won’t.”

Hyukjae abruptly raises his head, “… why?”

He sighs. He knew soon or later they need to talks this out, but he didn’t expect it’ll come this soon to him. “I… think we need to take it slow.” _And I’m not even sure if you’ll still want to be with me since all of this dating thing is only a trial—a trying phase—for you_ but he shoved it down to his throat, not wanting to ruin the moment. “We’ve been only dating less than a month, after all.”

The older man sighs, “That’s true, but…” Hyukjae stops, seems hesitant at the moment as he asks, “Don’t you wanna try a bit?”

“Are you in heat?” Donghae get smacked immediately. “What’s the rush, Hyukjae?”

“I’m not! I—I just,” Hyukjae sighs, “You know what? Forget that I said anything about this.” He was about to get off the sofa before Donghae pulls him down for a hug. “Hey—!” Donghae laughs his heart out as Hyukjae’s trying to get off his laps but his arms strong enough to held him down. “Let go of me!!”

“Okay, let’s hear you out,” Donghae hums as he tightening his hug around Hyukjae’s waist, buried his face on his shoulder as he inhales the sweet scent of his. “What do you want to try, though?”

“I… don’t know? Anything that’s more than kissing?”

 _See?_ “You know…” Donghae gently let go of his arms off Hyukjae’s waist, sighing as he lets the latter off his laps. “You don’t have to force yourself to work this out.” Hyukjae frowns, but Donghae sighing again, “I don’t want you feel obliged to do this just because we’re dating.” He bits his lower lip, looks away from Hyukjae as he says, “Nobody’s rushing you.” _and we’re just trying, trying to date—_ but he shoved it down to his throat again, holding himself to not ruin everything.

Hyukjae sighs in disbelief. “What are you saying?” Donghae blinks, _what’s with his tone?_ “Listen to me, Lee Donghaek.” The older man sighs again as he finally sits beside him, supporting his head by his arm on the backside of the sofa while his eyes fixed on Donghae, “Wanna hear a secret?”

“… what is it?”

“I…” Hyukjae’s fingertips began to make a contact with Donghae’s cheeks, trails to his jaw as he exclaims, "I've been dreaming about you.” Donghae’s eyes already locked in Hyukjae’s, but he still shows no response. “Guess what it is.”

“Me being feast in your eyes?” Hyukjae sighs, hand reflexively slaps his cheek gently, baffled with his nonsense. “I don’t know? What is it?”

“I’ve been dreaming with us wearing nothing.” And he stops, expectant glints in his eyes. “Wanna hear the detail?” Donghae immediately shakes his head. “I wasn’t trying to rush it, okay? We’re dating, aren’t we? I just want to do things that couple do,” His thumb gently rubs Donghae’s lips as he smiles “Hugging, kissing, love making,” he leans for a peck before his smiles grow wider, “Will I do this if I feel forced?”

“Hyukjae—”

“Can’t we?” Hyukjae’s fingers trail to Donghae’s neck, smile still plastered on his face. “We don’t have to go all the way if you want.” He stops, bites his lower lips as he asks—or pleads, Donghae can’t really tell. “Please?”

There’s no use of Donghae rejecting Hyukjae if the latter really wants it—of course he wants to touch him too, he has been holding himself to not advancing their relationship to the next base since he’s been afraid, _he is afraid_ , he’s afraid of hurting Hyukjae in the process.

Being hated by Hyukjae is the least thing he wants in his life.

“… I just don’t want you regret it.” Donghae finally speaks up. _He really does._ “I might sound like a coward, but back then when you avoided me was the worst thing I’ve experienced in his life.” Hyukjae gently put his arms around Donghae, pulling him for a hug. “I just don’t want that to happen again.”

“I’m sorry about that,” He pats Donghae’s back gently, drawing circles to calm him down. “I was confused back then,” He softly chuckles, “Being asked to marry out of blue is really confusing, you know.” Donghae murmurs _sorry_ in a weak voice. “ _’Huh, can I really do that?’_ was what I thought, _‘Am I even ready to spend the rest of my life with this idiot?’_ ” He lets out a strangled sound when Donghae weakly punch his stomach. “But now I’m sure I could, since I can’t image my life without you in it anymore.” Donghae pulls back, only find Hyukjae smiles the sincerest smile he’s seen in his life. “What do you think?”

Donghae’s still unsure, by slowly asking Hyukjae, asking a confirmation, “Do you meant what you said?”

Hyukjae strongly nods as he replies, “Yes, I am.”

“So, you don’t think this as a trying phase anymore?”

“Huh? What are you saying?” Hyukjae frowns, “I thought we’re dating for real?” Donghae’s eyes widen in surprise, which only makes Hyukjae’s frown goes deeper. “What, don’t you say you’ve been holding back because you think I was playing with you?”

Strongly shakes his head, Donghae rebuts Hyukjae’s blatant remark—which shoots right to his heart because how damn true it is—rather flustered, “No, I mean, I didn’t think you were playing with me—” he goes more flustered when all Hyukjae responds are sighing in disbelief, “No, no, listen to me! Back then you were the one who said _we can try dating first_ so I was thinking that you—”

“I did say that but that doesn’t mean I don’t date you seriously!” Baffled, Hyukjae rolls his eyes as he heavily sighs, seems like he understood something Donghae didn’t know. “So that was why Siwon said you looked unhappy!”

“No, I’m not—wait, Siwon?” Donghae’s the one who frowning now. “You’ve been contacting Siwon these days?” That’s weird. They are indeed close since three of them met back then they were in middle high and have been spending time together since then, but Hyukjae rarely reply or pick Siwon’s call since he thought that the latter would often starts clinging into him when he replies and it’s annoying to him—that’s why he’s really surprised when he heard Siwon’s name out of Hyukjae’s mouth. “I thought you don’t like contacting him and would rather meeting him in person?”

Hyukjae blinks, realizing of what he said before yelps, immediately covers his mouth and about to get off the sofa but Donghae’s holding him down, pulling him to sofa again only to make both of them falls, by Hyukjae on top of him, still covers his face in redness seeps on his face.

There’s no way Donghae would let him run away once again, not after he knew what’s up!

_At least there should be any explanation of Hyukjae suddenly being contact with Siwon, there should have be!_

“I, uh…” Hyukjae reflexively buries his face to Donghae’s chest, not letting the latter to see the face he made right now. “Let’s say that I asked his advice and… yeah.”

 _So that’s why Siwon was trying to dig some info from him before!_ “ _Why_?”

Hyukjae buries his head more, which actually makes Donghae wants to curl and bury himself, not knowing what to do with the situation, because both of their position is really _compromising_ and the older man being this cute doesn’t help him at all. “Since… I want to be better partner to you?”

“And he told you to seduce me?”

“No!” Hyukjae almost looks up but realizes he still couldn’t control his facial expression so he cancelling the idea by burying his head again. “That’s… that was… my own initiation?”

God.

Oh my _God._

“Oh my God, Hyukjae,” Donghae sighs, tries to force Hyukjae to looks up by lifting his chin so he can look at him better but it only makes the latter buries even deeper. “You’ll be the death of me, seriously.” He slowly gets up as he uses his other arm to prevent Hyukjae from falling, back leaning on the sofa as he waits Hyukjae’s embarrassment died down while laughing, rather baffled by ups and downs of their conversation tonight. “We’re really stupid, aren’t we.”

Hyukjae groans, “Be glad that I’m willing to stick with you, dammit.” which only makes Donghae’s laughs grows fonder. “Oh God, why did I say that…”

“Why, I liked it, though?” Donghae pats Hyukjae’s hair now, tries to soothe the older man so he doesn’t have to feel embarrassed anymore. “It was rare of you being this honest.” He laughs when Hyukjae hits his chest in return. “How long are you gonna stay this way, by the way?”

Hyukjae doesn’t answer immediately—he stays still for a while before hums, trying to get his attention as he whispers, “… can you carry me to my bed?”

So Donghae does, by carefully lifting Hyukjae, securing his arms around him so they won’t fall as he walks to the older man’s bed.

“Hey,” Donghae calls as he put Hyukjae down, leaning to his ear as he whispers, “I love you.” pulling himself back to see that Hyukjae already in the same shade as tomato, fresh and red. “Very much.”

Hyukjae still manages to smile, though, which makes Donghae’s heart feels attacked (did Hyukjae do this on purpose? Donghae could never tell, actually). “Me too.” As he laughs in embarrassment, he exclaims, “Wow, when I think about it again, it sure is embarrassing more than I thought…”

Donghae thought he can push prank a little bit more as he asks, “You still up for trying it out?” while smirk plastered on his face, only to be replied by Hyukjae’s scoff _no, you ruined the mood_. “Well, what about a cuddle instead?”

Hyukjae answers Donghae with stretches both of his arms, welcoming him for a cuddle, which the latter reply by receiving his arms and both falls on the bed, only makes them giggling afterwards.

He really thought he can get used to this, with Hyukjae opens up more to him, with both of them re-learning about each other that they didn’t know they had when they were still in a relationship, getting fonder with each other as they learn about it.

Yeah.

He can get used to this.


	4. pt.4 [m]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nope. not smut. at least for me. or is it?

Their relationship stays the same for a few weeks later, with Donghae frequently visiting him after work at least three times a week and now Hyukjae welcomes him in different greetings—from only greets him with simple _hi_ or _oh, you’re here_ and being kissed on the cheek by Donghae to takes initiative as he did when they met outside by kissing him back all over his face before pulling him for a hug, tight and warm.

It’s nice; it was really nice.

At least now he’s sure that Hyukjae is the same boat as he is; that they are dating for real and wasn’t in a trying phase, purely mutual for both of them, which actually eased Donghae’s mind more than anything.

Which now Siwon can say _I guess it went well, huh_ right in front of his face, indicating that he did look happier after both Hyukjae and him cleared up the misunderstanding they didn’t notice they had.

Yeah, it’s nice.

It was really nice.

A few weeks later after Hyukjae’s gigs, he messaged him out of blue, telling Donghae he’s going to visit him tonight, with him bought ddeokbokki and ice cream for both of them, and along with message _I’m going to stay a night there, is that okay?_

Of course, Donghae said yes. It’s not like it’s their first time to stay at each other’s house and share a bed together anyway.

But what makes Donghae more surprised than anything is that after they ate the food Hyukjae bought for them in the living room, both sitting side by side on the sofa while facing the tv, the latter suddenly ask “Can I touch you?” in a rather curious tone, not letting him to immediately response as his hands already on his shirt, tracing its buttons, made him more flustered than he had been in his life.

 _Did Hyukjae still want to try…?_ “Uh… what are you doing?”

Hyukjae’s eyes lingers on Donghae’s torso, he can tell, as he lazily stares down from his chest to his abdomen, eyes drop to half-lidded as he whispers, “Can’t you tell?” Donghae quietly shakes his head, rather looks like he doesn’t want to _know_. “Sorry, I’m just curious, you see. Since I’ve seen you half-naked but I never get any chance to touch.”

As long as Donghae remembered, in almost more than a decade he knew Hyukjae, he never seen the latter being like this, _being like a cat in heat,_ lusting over anything—or even _on him_ _like this_. _Never._

It kind of… _surprising_.

“Do you want to touch me that badly?” Donghae scoffs in disbelief but doesn’t stop Hyukjae’s hands that going all over his body. “Is this part of Hyukjae’s seduction plans you came up with?”

To his surprise, Hyukjae nods, while his fingers start to touch Donghae’s button, ready to unbutton as he responses, “I’m just going to touch, really.” He unconsciously bit his lower lips as he looks up, eyes glisten in beg—which Donghae _really, very, and would never_ expected Hyukjae to show that kind of expression to him—while asks, “Can I?”

Donghae feels himself in torn, not able to reject _such request_ with _that kind of expression_ Hyukjae make. “Uh…” he feels like he wants to run away but he can’t, he just can’t. “Then…” he scratches his head, slowly making up his mind as he stares right into Hyukjae’s eyes as he replies, “If I can touch you too, then sure, you can.”

“That what I was going to say, but since you’ve brought it up, why not?” Hyukjae chuckles, however, although the glint in his eyes doesn’t waver. “Do you want me to take it off myself or—”

“No, no, I—” Donghae gulps. This is really a big step in their relationship to Donghae, a step that’s going to challenge his conscience and his self-restrain. “I—I’ll do it.”

Hyukjae hums, his slender fingertips start to unbutton Donghae’s shirt one by one, which slowly makes the latter’s cheeks grow redder as reached the last button, revealing his torso he’d worked out these weeks, before he completely took it off by pulling down the shirt, makes his torso fully naked.

Good thing that the only source of the light in his home right now is the tv that has been ignored by them, since he really doesn’t want Hyukjae to notice how red he is right now.

It’s both thrilling and fluttering.

Donghae’s hands move by instinct as he gently grip the hem of Hyukjae’s oversized sweatshirt he likes to wear before trails to his hip, gently but strongly grip both sides as he silently looks at the older man, asking for a permission.

Hyukjae responds by raises both of his arms, giving access to Donghae so he can take his clothes off easier. Donghae gulps, but his hands still working to pull up Hyukjae’s clothes, revealing his pale torso he hasn’t seen since their college days.

There’s a difference, though, by his abdomen became more toned although he still as lean as always.

“Like what you see?” Hyukjae breaks the silence, snaps Donghae to reality as he immediately looks up, only to find endearment plastered on the older man’s face. “It’s not as build as yours but I’m quite proud of it, to be honest.” Soon he smiles as his hand reaches Donghae’s jaw, a hint of redness on both of his pale cheeks—Donghae breathes in relief that he’s not the only one who’s flustered by the sudden situation that both are in—as he whispers, “Can I touch you?”

“Yes,” Donghae leans for a peck on his lips, playfully bites Hyukjae’s lower lips as he smiles, “Of course.”

So Hyukjae does, by his fingertips start to trail from Donghae’s sharp jaw, to his neck, and goes even lower through between his chest as he reaches his abdomen, gently palming it before it goes up again to his chest, fingers almost touching his nipples.

Oh, _God._

Hyukjae’s touches feel like a fire that fuels Donghae closer to his self-explosion.

“I didn’t know that you worked out.” Hyukjae’s voice sounds like a purr of pleasant to Donghae. “It’s hard.” Donghae bites his inside cheeks, trying to not show that he’s totally nervous at the moment. " “It’s kinda unexpected, coming from you.”

“Does it make you falls for me more, then?” Donghae joked, which soon replied with a joking punch on his chest. “Are you done?” Hyukjae shakes his head. “Is there anything you want to do other than touching?”

Nodding, he leans closer, closing their proximity as he asks, “Can I leave a mark on you?”

Oh, _wow._

_Is he really Hyukjae he knew?_

“… yes, you can.” Donghae whimpers when he can feel Hyukjae’s breath on his skin, growing hotter as the latter’s lips gently kisses his shoulder. “Oh, _God._ ” He grunts, clenching his fist as he felt Hyukjae aggressively sucks while occasionally nibbling his skin. “ _God_ , Hyukjae, wait—” He can’t stay still, not when Hyukjae starts to bury his teeth deeper, making him feels all tingly. “Hey—”

Hyukjae nibbles for the last time before he pulls himself back, smirk plastered on his face when he noticed Donghae’s facial expression—he realizes himself that at this rate his face must be beet red right now—rather smug. “I didn’t know you’re that sensitive.”

“Well, _so do I_.” Donghae sighs in relief although in the contrary he can feel his body grows heated as the time goes by, still feeling the burn Hyukjae left on his body. “It was my first.” Hyukjae reflexively pulls his head back, as if saying _no way_ and kind of judging him. “Being given hickey, not giving one, okay? Don’t give me that look.”

“Sorry.” But his laugh isn’t saying sorry at all. “Wanna take a turn?” Donghae nods as he wordlessly patting his laps, signing him to sit on it. “Ohhhhh someone likes to be sat on their laps, huh?” Grunts can be heard from Donghae but Hyukjae only chuckles in reply. “Okay, okay, wait.”

So Hyukjae did, get on Donghae’s laps comfortably as he reflexively put his arms around the older man’s bare waist, looking up as he said, “But what’s gotten into you, actually?”

His eyebrows grow narrow as he replies, “Is it wrong of wanting to be closer to you?”

“No, it isn’t?”

“Closer as if physically connected? Like a lover should’ve been?”

“… no, it’s not.”

“Then why are you still asking me like you don’t trust my feeling to you?”

“No, that’s not what I mean—"

“Or is it because you’re not ready yet?”

“That’s not it either,” Donghae sighs. “I was kinda taken aback by you, to be honest.” Soon he chuckles, ignoring Hyukjae’s expression that grows confused more than anything. “Is Lee Hyukjae I know this expressive?”

“Oh, that means you didn’t know me that much, did you?” he smiles playfully—although Donghae clearly sees that he looks relieved more than anything—while his naughty hands start to touch every line of Donghae’s torso, makes the latter taken aback for nth times tonight. “I can be nasty, too, you know.” His smile grows to a sly smirk as he lazily strokes his hands on Donghae’s lower abdomen, dangerously almost touching his genital on purpose. “Especially when it comes to something like this.”

 _Two can play this game, aren’t we._ Donghae hums, touching Hyukjae’s torso back in return as he smirks, “Is that all you can say?”

“What do you mean—” but soon Hyukjae yelps when Donghae playfully grabs both of his cheeks, slowly kneading while occasionally gives him a stronger pressure in between. “Hey, Donghae, wait—” Hyukjae bites his lips as Donghae starts to lean closer, trailing kisses on the older man’s neck while occasionally giving little bites on his skin before he goes down to the nipples, giving them little attention by lightly licks it. “Ah—wait—not there—!"

Donghae feigns innocence as he pulls his head back, tiling his head in confusion but his hands still working on Hyukjae, slowly building up more pressure on his bottom, “You said I can touch you too?”

“That’s true but—ngh!” Donghae never know Hyukjae’s moan—even a strangled one—can sounds this sexy in his ears. “Donghae—!” His red flushed expression is really lewd too; Donghae learns as he observes Hyukjae at the moment while his hands are teasing the latter’s nipples. With the strength of Hyukjae had, it would be easy for him to stop Donghae and runs away, but he didn’t, not even asking him to stop as the older man only buries his head on Donghae’s shoulder in return. “Oh, God—”

He lifts Hyukjae to scoot closer but hand never leave his butt, both of their crotch dangerously close as Donghae slowly feels his pants getting tighter by the music he heard from Hyukjae’s sinful lips. “Should I stop?” he asks as plants feather kisses on Hyukjae’s hair, soothing the latter who grows more vocal and unconsciously seeking for some friction.

God, he never knew Hyukjae could be this _lewd_.

“No, don’t stop—” he whines when Donghae let go of his hands, moans over the loss sensation on his butt only soon yelps when Donghae take some courage to reaches the hem of his jeans, fingers fumbling on his belt, unconsciously gives Hyukjae some friction on his half-hard shaft. “Don’t—don’t unbuckle it like that—” But soon Donghae shut him up with a kiss that soon grows deeper when he tilts his head, easing him to access Hyukjae’s cavern as their tongue fighting for domination.

Both busy with the kiss as Hyukjae starts to do the same as Donghae by reaching the latter’s jeans, fumbling to unbutton his pants. Donghae is the first one to succeed as he tugs one finger to the waistband of Hyukjae’s boxer, makes Hyukjae pulls back in surprise, broke their kiss with a string of saliva.

Although Donghae already feels as aroused as Hyukjae is right now, he still manages to stare with a soothing gaze as he asks, “What do you want to do now?”

“I… I don’t know, I just…” Soon Hyukjae whines, however, couldn’t handle the arousal he felt at the moment by seeking some friction on Donghae’s laps but the latter stops him by grabbing both sides of the older man’s hips which he reflexively responds with a groan. “I don’t know, can’t we—can’t we just get off or something?” Donghae couldn’t bear himself to not kissing Hyukjae’s red plump lips that already swollen by their making out session so he locks their lips again for a while before he lets the latter speaks—or whines, to be exact. “Please,” Hyukjae’s hands easily unbuckle Donghae’s pants as he whined eagerly, “Donghae, I—”

Donghae complies by locking their lips again, not letting Hyukjae dominating this time by putting more force on his tongue as his hands easily reaching the latter’s shaft—which already fully hard, giving it some attention by rubbing its tip with his thumb, making the older man moans between the kisses. Although he knows that Hyukjae grows weaker over the stimulations that come to him at once, he still manages to do the same to Donghae, pulling the latter’s shaft off his boxer and starts to pump it slow after he smeared some pre-cum all over it.

The younger man cut off their kiss, taken aback by the spontaneous surge of stimulation he got on his shaft all of sudden. Panting and hands still working by starting to pumps Hyukjae’s shaft slow, he managed to say, “God, you’re really nasty like you said.”

A strangled chuckle replied Donghae in return, “Shut up, you.” as he’s pulling the latter in a deep kiss again, hands chasing orgasm by both of them starts pumping faster.

It’s mostly silent after that—by both of them in Donghae’s living room, busy satisfy each other’s needs while muffled moans sometimes fill the room. It doesn’t take long before they cum; by Hyukjae extremely shudders as the climax kicks in before cums on Donghae’s hand, with soon the latter follows by doing the same on the older man’s. They tried to catch their breath after they broke the kiss, by Hyukjae slumps on Donghae’s shoulder, breath pattern grows ragged while the latter leans on his sofa as he looks up, still dazed by the orgasm he had.

He never knew that _doing this_ with Hyukjae would be this _mind blowing_.

It was even better than any sex he had in the past.

With the little amount of strength left, Donghae’s hand reaches the nearest box of tissues before clean them up while sometimes he scrunches his nose, the smell of sex floats in the air. It’s not that he hates it, he just isn’t used to it since it smells unfamiliar in his olfactory nerves.

After he cleaned both of them, he put the tissues aside before he put his arms around Hyukjae’s waist, whose breath slowly become more stable although he still looks dazed, patting his lower back to calm him down as Donghae asks worriedly, “Are you okay?” Hyukjae isn’t answering, but Donghae can feel that the older man’s body is still hot by the way his shoulder feels burned, haven’t fully calm down yet. “Hyukjae?”

“Y-yeah, I am,” the voice Hyukjae lets out sounds strangled but it still brings relief to Donghae. “Sorry, just, let me calm down first.” Donghae nods in return, fixing their pants up by him tugs his back and buttoning his pants before he takes care of Hyukjae, by he gently tugs Hyukjae’s shaft back, only to make him hitches in return. “Hey!”

“Sorry, just bear with it a little bit, okay?” Donghae bites his lower lip, concentrating on carefully tidying Hyukjae up—who still oversensitive after what they did before, by sometimes moans still escaping on his lips when their skins made a contact—before finally buttoning his pants. “There, it’s done.” He put his arms back to Hyukjae’s waist, one hand patting his lower back again for comfort. “Do you want to take a shower?”

Hyukjae shakes his head while murmurs “Later.” as he clings his arms around Donghae’s shoulder, seeking for comfort.

“In the end you’re really just _touching_ me, aren’t you?” Donghae only rolls his eyes when Hyukjae immediate responding by weakly slap his shoulder. “Well, not that I mind, your expression when you’re aroused is pretty cute after all.”

“In the contrary, yours is really hard to look into.”

Donghae frowns, “What do you mean?”

Hyukjae finally off Donghae’s shoulder, already calmed down and Donghae tried hard to not devour the older man’s lips that even getting plumper after the hard making out session they had. He stares straight into Donghae while both of his hands grab the latter’s face, gently caresses his cheeks as he smiles, “You’re really hot when you are aroused.”

That’s new, his previous partners never told him that before. “Am I?” Hyukjae lightly nods. “Does it arouse you even more?” Hyukjae sheepishly nods in reply. “Nice to know, then.” He laughs, however, when Hyukjae throw a weak fist on his chest in return. “Are you okay, though?”

“Yeah, I was a bit sensitive earlier. It’s been a long time, after all.” The smile Donghae secretly loves slowly appears on Hyukjae’s face, unconsciously swoons him even more. “Hey, Lee Donghaek.” Donghae hums in reply. “I love you.”

Donghae’s smiles went so wide that he can feel his nasolabial grows overstretched but he doesn’t care as he replies “I love you too.” and leans closer to kiss Hyukjae lovingly and gently before he pulls himself back, “Shall we take a shower now?”

“Together?” Hyukjae’s still smiling.

So Donghae is, but soon he shakes his head, “You want me to faint?”

“No, I still want to cuddle you later.”

“Then you can go first.”

Hyukjae sighs, “Okay, then.” He gets off Donghae’s laps before he asks, “Did you already wash my pajama that I left here?” Donghae nods. “In the usual place?” He nods again. “Alright, see you later.” He pats Donghae’s head for a while before he leans for a peck on top of his head before off to bathroom, leaving the younger man sighing in content.

_Hey, having this kind of life for the rest of his life doesn’t sound like a bad plan at all._


	5. pt.5

“… why Siwon’s here?”

Donghae gulps, “Uh…” he throws his helpful gaze to Siwon, who casually clings his arms around him—curse him of being taller than him—and act like it’s normal for them to be together at the moment, only replying him with a casual shrug. Dammit. He hates Siwon so much. “He… insisted.”

Donghae understand why Hyukjae gave such reaction to him, since if he were in his shoes, he would be reacting the same as he is right now, but he can’t just refuse Siwon’s request.

It was Friday night when Donghae and Hyukjae supposed to have a drink together in a quiet bar where most of its costumer are elders, having quiet date and drink while chat to catch up each other’s life, and enjoy the night like a lover should have done.

It was supposed only both of them, _just two of them._

The thing is, Siwon overheard Donghae who was calling Hyukjae after work, telling him that he will be there in around twenty minutes, and the word _bar_ comes up, which the older man immediately asks “ _Can I come, too?”_ and he has no heart to reject since he had been rejected Siwon’s offer before.

And with Siwon’s coax of _I’ll pay_ sure does the trick.

“Hi, Hyukjae! Long time no see!” Siwon throws him a hug, which Hyukjae still looks annoyed but hugs him back anyway. “Well, I’m sorry for _intruding_ both of you tonight, but as an apology I’ll be the one who pay for tonight.” Siwon’s automatically smiles as now he puts his arm around Hyukjae—Donghae is still curses him for being the tallest of them all. “Just think of this as a little celebration for you two?”

Hyukjae’s sigh sounds like he had given up all. Both of them know it’s useless to shoo Siwon at this point, since as annoying as Siwon is, he is still their best friend and a kind man who helped them became who they are right now. “Do what you want.”

They ended up having a drink on the corner of the bar, which shows the landscape of the night as the location of the bar is around the hill, which shows the clear night that fills with bunch of stars, showing some constellations that Donghae doesn’t know the names, but he still able to appreciate them.

Most of the talk were filled by Siwon asking about the progress of their relationship, which Hyukjae casually answers while Donghae became the listener of the crowd. It’s not like Donghae doesn’t want to talk but listening to Siwon and Hyukjae’s bicker is more interesting since it’s been a long time since three of them hanging out together like this; Siwon was the busiest among the three since he’s the CEO after all.

It reminds Donghae of their college days, and it’s nice.

“That reminds me,” Siwon suddenly says, which perks Donghae’s ears and pulls him to reality. “Have you guys told your family about you guys?”

Donghae’s eyes dilated in surprise as he suddenly remembered that, in fact, he hasn’t told anyone in his family but only Siwon and Heechul about him dating Hyukjae.

Although he is sure that his family already know his little crush on Hyukjae back then, but still, he needs to tell his mom and his brother later.

He’s sure that they’ll received it well.

To Donghae’s surprise, Hyukjae casually nods, “Yeah, I told my them. They surprisingly received it well, though.” He looks up to Donghae, “What about you?”

He timidly shakes his head. “Sorry, I haven’t.” before they respond, Donghae abruptly states, “I was too preoccupied with you to remember any of that.”

“What is this guy saying, seriously.” Hyukjae scoffs, but Donghae can see subtle redness on the older man’s cheeks. “But seriously, tell them soon, okay?” Donghae quickly nods. He’ll still do it even without Hyukjae asked anyway.

A forced cough suddenly let out from Siwon, which makes them reflexively turns their head to him with a frown. “God, I feel like a third wheel here.”

Donghae rolls his eyes, as if saying it like it wasn’t obvious enough. “Did you just realize that?” Hyukjae’s laugh approving Donghae’s remark. “See, even Hyukjae agreed with me.”

Siwon grows sullen, which ended up both of them laughing in return.

God, teasing Siwon is always fun for them.

“But anyway,” Hyukjae stops laughing, seems like he feels bad for teasing Siwon as he patting the latter’s back to comfort him. “Do you have any plan after this?”

Siwon still looks sullen, however, but he still responds anyway, “No, why?”

“Donghae and I planning to watch a movie after this,” which Donghae reflexively responds _that was why Hyukjae was responding like that earlier_ that brings Siwon’s sudden understanding shows on his face. “Wanna join us?”

The sullenness on Siwon’s face long gone, covered with a frown and a question, “Won’t I be a third wheel there?”

“Since you already did in the beginning, why don’t you just go all the way, then?” Donghae laughs with Hyukjae’s blatant remark, but he nods, agreeing his point. It’s been a long time since they watch movie as a trio, after all, so he doesn’t really mind of Siwon joining. “Donghae always falls asleep when we watched the movie anyway.”

“Am not!” Donghae protests. “Sometimes I watched until the end!”

“Sometimes as in one out of five.” Hyukjae sighs, already faces Siwon to ignore the rest of Donghae’s protests, “If you’re willing to pay the pizzas, it is.”

Siwon still looks puzzled, however. “…sure?” he looks for Donghae, as if saying _is it really okay_ but the latter only nods in return. He really doesn’t mind.

“Great, free pizza it is!”

* * *

They ended up watching movie that Hyukjae always wanted to watch since a week ago in his place.

Donghae is sitting on the middle of both Siwon and Hyukjae, got sandwiched as both of them equally leaning on him like a life-sized doll. He doesn’t really mind, actually, but it sure is feels heavy to be leaned by two adults at once.

And it makes his movement more restricted as he can’t really move.

“Hey, guys…” Donghae sighs, however, when both of them already in their second slice of pizza and eyes locked on the screen while he can’t even get one slice because the burden of two adults body on him. “I don’t mind being sandwiched but at least can I get my pizza? I haven’t eats any slice here…” he pouts, but eyes directly on Hyukjae, silently whining of the situation. “Guys…”

Noticing Donghae’s distress, Hyukjae only chuckles. “Sorry, sorry,” as he gets up to get Donghae a slice. “There, there, don’t cry.”

“Am not,” Donghae’s still pouting, however, as he received the pizza from Hyukjae. “I’m just hungry.” Hyukjae leans on him again, however, as he is back focusing to the movie. Donghae sighs in disbelief. “Fine, do what you guys want.” He scoffs as he stuffs the pizza on his mouth, only to be laughed by both of them in return as got patted on the head.

When it’s three of them, Donghae is the one who always got treated like a baby—which he really hates it but both of them just won’t stop babying him to the point he just let them in the end, although he would always groan when they did.

Since there’s no point of arguing it to them anymore, anyway.

Siwon soon gets up, however, taking the pizza box off the table and places it on Donghae’s laps as he says, “There. Now it’s fair, isn’t?”

“That was so smart of you! As expected from Siwon!” Hyukjae’s seal claps last only for five seconds before he takes another piece, already averting his attention to the tv in front of him, leaving Donghae who only grow sullen in return.

God, he hates them sometimes.

It was one hour later when the movie is still two-thirds, two boxes of pizza already got emptied, with Donghae slightly dozing off as he sometimes closes his eyes, doesn’t have any interest of the movie they watched anymore. He actually does like to watch movie, but his preferences with Hyukjae’s doesn’t really match unless it was about psychological or action movies, and the one they watched right now isn’t one of them.

Hyukjae knows that, but he still insists on watching with him, which Donghae doesn’t have the heart to reject. He did say that _I’m sorry in advance if I fell asleep in the middle of movie_ to warn Hyukjae, but as kind as the older man is, he always says that _as long as you’re with me, I’m okay with that_ which sure does the trick of him staying for a movie or two in Hyukjae’s place.

Although in the end he did fall asleep in the middle of the movie or playing with his phone, letting Hyukjae got lost in the movie while leaning his head on him.

As he closes his eyes, almost falls asleep, but still awake enough to aware of any sounds around his surroundings, Donghae hears Siwon says, “Wow, he really falls asleep.” as he can feel hand waves in front of his face, but he pretends to not aware. “That’s amazing. How can he fall asleep that fast?”

“Well,” He heard Hyukjae replying Siwon, “Since this movie wasn’t really Donghae’s favorite genre after all.”

“Huh?” the hints of confusion clearly can be heard from Siwon’s tone. “If he doesn’t like it why is he still agreed to watch with you?”

“I think because he knew that I’ll still force him to watch it with me anyway, so he just went along with it.” Well, Hyukjae isn’t wrong, though. “I’m the one who insisted.”

Siwon hums as he ruffles Donghae’s head, still doesn’t aware that the latter is actually still awake. “He must be really loves you, huh.” He feels that Hyukjae only frowns in reply by there’s no response from him. “Do you forget that Donghae wouldn’t want do anything that he dislikes?” There is still no reply. “He even won’t do the work I told him to do if he really doesn’t like the CEO or doesn’t like the company’s reputation, you know. He hates it that much although he knew it’ll bring huge benefit for our company.”

“I…” Hyukjae seems unable to say anything, by soon he goes quiet for a while before he finally speaks up, “Is he really?”

“What’s with the sudden pause?” Siwon sounds like he’s frowning in the process.

“I just… I thought that Donghae always complies just because it’s not like he doesn’t want to do it but he’s just too lazy to argue, so…” Hyukjae surprisingly only hums after that, hand gently ruffles Donghae’s hair as he says, “Oh, so it’s actually like that…”

Siwon laughs, rather in bafflement as he remarks, “A hot-headed people like Donghae won’t do something like _too lazy to argue_ thingy, Hyuk- _ah_. He knew what he’s doing.” Donghae isn’t really complaining, actually, since all of Siwon said until this point is true all along. “Did you just realize that now?”

“So you were saying that this idiot tolerate me more than I thought he is?”

“Well, isn’t he?”

Hyukjae isn’t really responding after that, or Donghae fell asleep, he can’t really tell.

It was another hour later when the movie ends, with Donghae actually falls asleep after the small talk, and Hyukjae lightly shakes his body, telling him to get up. He slowly opens his eyes, adjusting the dim lights of Hyukjae’s house through his retina as he found the latter’s smile is the first one to greet him as he says “Had a nice nap?”

Donghae feels guilty, actually, for did falls asleep although Hyukjae always said he understand him, but he just can’t help it. The movie doesn’t interest him that much.

(But he did get some precious info in return, actually, from of what he heard an hour ago.)

“I… I fell asleep again, aren’t I.” Donghae sighs. He really feels sorry for Hyukjae, really. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll just pick a movie that suit your taste later so you won’t fall asleep again.” Hyukjae ruffles Donghae’s hair gently before he pulls him up to get off the sofa, “Let’s sleep. It’s already late.” Donghae blinks, half-awake as he becomes more aware of his surrounding to notice Siwon isn’t with them anymore. “Siwon’s in the guest room, said had enough for the night, if you were looking for him, it is.”

He really needs to thank Siwon later for being an eye opening for Hyukjae tonight. “Right, of course he is.” Donghae sighs before pulling Hyukjae for a hug, which surprise the latter but he doesn’t say anything as he returns the hug. “Let’s sleep then.”

Hyukjae finally responds, though. “Uh, Donghae?” Donghae only hums in reply. “You’re gonna sleep in your work clothes?”

 _Oh, right. He won’t, of course._ “Do I leave my clothes here?” Donghae rubs his face, though, trying to stay more awake. “Where did you keep it?”

“I’ll pick it for you.” Hyukjae slowly drags sleepy Donghae to his room, carefully makes the latter sit on the edge of the bed as he leaves him to pick his clothes. “Wait.”

Donghae only replies with murmuring _okay_ before he slowly unties his tie, throwing it on the floor and he starts to unbutton his shirt.

 _What time is it, again?_ Donghae looks around to find a clock, only to find that it was one in the early morning. _Right, of course it is._ By him counting the time he spent after he get off work, which is around eight tonight, and spending time in the bar with both Siwon and Hyukjae for another two hours before ended up watching movie in Hyukjae’s place for the rest, it sure is took a long time.

But why is it feels so short to him?

“Hey, here you—ooh.”

Donghae suddenly pulled back with reality as he reflexively looks up, startled by Hyukjae’s gasp. “What’s with that response?”

Hyukjae sheepishly grins, _which is looks very endearing to Donghae_ , as he gives him his clothes. “No, nothing.” Donghae blinks in confusion. “I, uh, you took off your shirt and I just…” he reflexively looks down, only to realize that his torso fully naked. He must be unconsciously take it off completely when he was lost in thought. “Kind of… remembered _that night_.”

_Ohh._

“Does it excite you?” Donghae cracks a laugh as he wears the t-shirt when he noticed how red Hyukjae’s face become. He gets off the bed before he pats Hyukjae’s head, “I’ll change the pants in the bathroom.” and almost walk to the bathroom, only to get the hem of his shirt got pulled by Hyukjae. “Huh? What is it?”

“Maybe… it does excite me?” Donghae only blinks in response. “I’m sorry, I might sound like a pervert but your exposed chest and shoulder somewhat makes my heart pounds like crazy.”

Wow, that was the first time in Donghae’s life to heard someone likes his exposed torso in general. “How so?”

“I don’t know!” the tone in Hyukjae’s voice sounds frustrated but it only makes him look more adorable in Donghae’s eyes. “The lines? The shape? The way it looks defined? I don’t know? What am I even saying again?” he starts to sank in, grows embarrassed over his own action by burying his head on the bed, only left Donghae laughs in response. God, he is _really cute_ when he’s embarrassed.

Donghae stops laughing, however, as he says, “I’ll be back.” and goes to the bathroom, changes his work pants to his jogger pants he left on Hyukjae’s house as he returns to see the latter still in the same state, curling in embarrassment on his own bed. “You’re going to stay like that?”

Slowly looking up like a scared cat, Hyukjae quietly asks, “You’re… not disgusted or anything?” Donghae, as a guest who still has good manners, cleans up his scattered clothes on the floor and folds it nicely on top of Hyukjae’s drawer’s closet, but still responds with shaking his head. “Even I’m this weird?”

“Why should I? It’s not like I mind.” Now Donghae joins Hyukjae in the bed by sitting in front of him, waiting the latter to get up. “What’s weird is, only a week ago, a person named Lee Hyukjae had this plan of seducing me and brave enough to take initiative but tonight why is he looks so timid?”

Hyukjae finally gets up, sitting in front of Donghae but embarrassment still visible on his face. “That’s… different.”

This is getting interesting to Donghae as he responds, “Okay, why is it different?”

“Because…” soon, Hyukjae sighs, “Do I really have to explain?”

“You don’t have to, but you might want to.”

Sighing for the second time, Hyukjae’s eyes meeting Donghae as he says, “Because back then I was already planning it all. Satisfied, now?”

“So to sums it all, the one I did a while ago caught you off guard?” Donghae grins as he sees Hyukjae reluctantly nods. “I don’t mind though, you liking my shoulder and chest it is.” Now Hyukjae’s the one who blinks in confusion. “Want me to show you again?”

Hyukjae immediately shakes his head, “No, please, I don’t wanna get worked up tonight.”

Laughing, Donghae replies, “If you say so.” He stretches both of his arms, waiting for Hyukjae to throws himself onto him so they can cuddle as he asks, “In the mood for a cuddle?”

His replies are throws himself into Donghae as the latter wanted, although he still grunts while he buried himself on the younger male’s chest, probably in the deep thought of why he acted stupid as always.

Donghae sees it as being adorable and couldn’t bear himself to not kiss the top of Hyukjae’s head as he lulls them to sleep.

* * *

It was on the next Friday night when Heechul suddenly contacting him, asking him whether _it’s okay for him to invite Donghae for dinner_ , which the latter immediately said _yes_ because _who says no to free food?_

In the end Heechul brings him to Donghae’s favorite taco restaurant in the area.

It starts off as a normal conversation, with Heechul sharing some little stories in his works while Donghae replies sometimes although he mostly listens. He sometimes takes a turn for telling some stories as how stupid of his friends (read: Hyukjae and Siwon) over little things, and a little bit of his works (which nothing really eventful when he thinks about it, but he’s still told him anyway).

Until Heechul asked the least thing Donghae expected him to say.

“Did you ask him to marry you yet?”

"Huh??" Donghae immediately looks up, not to forget to put his taco back on his plate, mannered enough to not reflexively throws the food to Heechul. "What's with the sudden question?"

Heechul frowns, however, "What, aren't you the one who said you wanna marry him or something?"

"I did ask him that—"

"Then how did it go?"

"But that was..." Sighing, Donghae slowly lowering his gaze, unable to meet Heechul's expectant gaze. "That was when I asked him out of blue and things got messy before become of what we are now." He bites his lower lips as he plays with the taco shell, suddenly losing his appetite. "I don't wanna risk anything for now."

Heechul's voice sounds confused when he asks, "Aren't you playing it too safe?"

"Well, better be prepared than being sorry?" Donghae bitterly smiles, the nightmare he had months ago sometimes still haunts him and turns his mood sour. "I'm content enough of what I have now."

Heechul sighs, "Then," Donghae slowly looks up, only to found the older man stares at him for a while, glints of gentleness sit in his orbs, which is uncommon sight to see. "How long you're going to wait for him?"

No words unable to roll out of Donghae’s tongue that able to answer Heechul right now.

Hyukjae dating him itself already a miracle for him, with both of them not having experience of dating the same sex and having no initial interest in it, let alone a marriage.

A marriage would take a whole universe to make it happen for Donghae.

He just trying to be _realistic_. And _careful_.

(And afraid, actually.)

"Well, realistically speaking," Donghae props his chin with his right hands as he looks out the window, watching the bustling night of Seoul that gets busier as the night falls deeper. "I'm not even sure if this relationship going even further to marriage."

What Donghae sees right now is the most shocked Heechul he’s ever seen, "What are you—"

Donghae's smiles still bitter as he cuts Heechul off, "I don't even know, Hyung." he pauses, avert his gaze to Heechul whose gaze still lays on him, which his eyes look both surprised and sad. "I know that I love him, but," he tried to smiles the sadness away from Heechul but it only makes the latter looks even sorry. "It still feels like a dream to me." he stops for a while, takes a deep sigh before says, "I know that it was selfish, but I just don't want to risk anything to ruin these wonderful dreams of mine."

"Donghae—"

"Sorry, Hyung," Donghae stops Heechul by grabbing both of the latter's hands, eyes locked with his as he smiles as bright as he could, "I know that you did this for my sake, but I really appreciated it if we don't bring this topic anymore."

They went silent for a while after that.

They spent another twenty minutes of chatting, tried their best to avoid the topic they brought earlier while finishing their ordered meals. Heechul went home first, however, as he still has another appointment with his client after this, but still being a mannered man by paying the meal as he promised.

Donghae decided to cool his brain off by went to a nearest coffee shop for an iced americano or two, if one didn't do the work.

The topic of marriage itself... he tried his best to not bring it up when he's together with Hyukjae.

Not that he doesn’t want to; of course he wants to marry him, that was why he asked Hyukjae to marry him at first instead asking him to date him, but it doesn’t sound as easy as _hey wanna get married? oh sure it sounds great!_ and ended up exchanging vows in front of altar while the birds flying in the background like a great ending of a movie usually is.

He needs to think lots of things to make it happen, but the most important of all is: _is Hyukjae actually wants to?_

There are times when they passed pre-wedding photoshoots when they went to places like parks or cultural heritages, which the couples always look like they have all the world and ready to spend the rest of their life together with such loving eyes thrown to each other’s. He did enjoy watching them, but he can’t help himself to watch how Hyukjae would react—the older man often made some comments, however, it’s only about how the couple looks great together and nothing else.

He’s afraid that he’s the only one who excited about anything related to marriage.

Which is Donghae often made a little reminder to himself to not being overwhelmed by the happiness he had these weeks, chanting that it probably won't last forever.

It’s not that he’s being such a pessimist, but…

He is just trying to be careful _and_ trying to not hurt both parties includes _himself_.

(He just, like, really, _really_ afraid of the outcome.)


	6. pt.6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning : this story is going to have a late update later since the school is already starting for me, but I'll try to update as fast as I can! thanks for the understanding!

Hyukjae was in his bed when Donghae woke up on the next morning.  


Still couldn't apprehend the situation, Donghae blinks several times as he rubs his eyes, trying to recollect his soul that still hasn't fully filling him yet. Hyukjae is beside him, arm propping his head as he looks up to Donghae with the gummy smile, considerate enough to not say anything to the confused Donghae at the moment.  


But why is he here again?

"Uhhh... Morning?" Donghae tilts his head in confusion. He knew Hyukjae knew his apartment's password, but he knew enough that it was the first time that the older man came to his house at this time and without any notice unlike usual. "What are you doing here?"

Hyukjae's smile still lingers, "Waiting for you to wake up?"

"But why?" Donghae is very sure that they don't have any date today although it's Saturday, and it's still almost six in the morning to boot, so why?

Sighing, Hyukjae gets up to sit in front of Donghae, but the smile the latter really loves still plasters on his face as he says, "I just really miss you."

"We video called two days ago?"

"But we haven't met, like, a week!"

Blinking, Donghae asks, "Aren't we gonna meet tomorrow?" they’re planning to go have a stroll in Seoul tomorrow, by walking around and finding hidden gems among tall buildings and the skyscrapers before having lunch date and spend the rest of the day by watching movies as usual, so Hyukjae suddenly came to his apartment is really surprising him. "Not that I'm complaining but at least you should've called..."

Hyukjae softly turns his smile to a sly smirk, "Are you afraid you got caught in the middle of jerking off?" he got his forehead flick in return. "Hey!"

Grunting, Donghae get off bed before he rubs his eyes, cleaning the rest of his face as he scoffs, "What's with you?" Hyukjae cackles in return. "But seriously why?"

"Well, I just finished my work at a half past five am and your place seems the closest so I went straight here?" Hyukjae beams as he slowly takes his cap off. "I'm gonna crash here."

Donghae's eyes squints in disbelief, "Huh??"

"I'm gonna sleep first before I'm going home." Hyukjae doesn’t look bothered by Donghae's confused face as he slowly takes off his jacket, leaving only with white undershirt and his short pants. "Wanna join?"

He sure is still sleepy since he only slept at two pm (he had lots of thought after he met Heechul last night), but... "I..." Donghae scratches his hair, does realize the expectant that glints on Hyukjae's eyes. He hates himself of getting weak of Hyukjae’s pleading eyes, really. “Sure?”

“Great, then!” Hyukjae makes himself comfortable as if in his own home as he kicked off his socks on the floor and cover himself with the blanket. “Good night, Donghae.” And as soon as he closes his eyes, it only takes a few seconds for Hyukjae to drifted to the dreamland, showing how tired he is.

_ He wasn’t lying then _ .

Sighing, Donghae finally surrenders as soon he follows Hyukjae by covering himself in blanket, get ready to sleep too as he closes his eyes, with the tiredness kicks back in him.

He’ll just going to ask Hyukjae the details later.

* * *

It was another five hours later when he got woken up by enticing smells that kicks in his olfactory nerves, by eyes still half closed.

_ Is Hyukjae cooking breakfast right now? _

Donghae lets out a long yawn as he stretches his body before rubs his eyes, tries to makes himself more awake before he gets off the bed and grab his glasses as he walks to the kitchen, only to be greeted by Hyukjae in apron while he back-facing him, one hand grabbing a spatula while the other handling the frypan.

It’s quite a rare sight to Donghae, actually. Moreover, after they dating.

Donghae quietly approach the older man as he carefully observes what the latter cooks for them by peeking from behind. It’s rather a simple breakfast; sunny-side eggs with bacons and toasts that Hyukjae already put on the plate, by two each rather sloppily placed on top.

The older man isn’t really good at cooking, actually, but decent enough to be able making such simple breakfast or simple foods.

(Donghae is just grateful enough to the older man for making effort in cooking for them.)

“Do you wanna have some coffee?”

And of course, his voice startles Hyukjae by him almost throwing the bacons—that already cooked—away.

“God, you startled me!” Hyukjae hisses, reflexively almost hit Donghae by the spatula out of shock, but the latter has a fast reflex by immediately pulling himself back. “Can’t you at least do it in a normal way?!”

Donghae cackles as he says “Sorry, sorry.” but both of them already knew that he doesn’t mean it even in tiniest bits. “But do you?”

Huffing, Hyukjae manages to elbowing Donghae’s stomach as he rolls his eyes, “Yes, _please_.” Before turn his back to him again, back in frying the eggs which already halfway cooked. “The _usual_.”

So Donghae makes the coffee with Hyukjae’s preference while rubs the parts of his stomach where the older man elbowed him—his elbow is really sharp; it kinds of hurts. It doesn’t take long before he joins Hyukjae who already putting the breakfast on the table, giving the older man the coffee that made by his liking—the ratio of the coffee and the milk is 1:2.

They spent the late breakfast by eating while throwing some questions to keep up with each other’s lives that they missed out. Hyukjae has been making a new choreography for another new boy group, making him stay up late for five to six in seven days a week for almost a month, while Donghae is still the same old, same old; getting projects from investors from overseas with a tight deadline, a project, another project, and Siwon’s _little_ disturbance in his workplace.

“What’s the new boy group concept about?” Donghae asks while he cleans the dishes, back-facing Hyukjae who’s enjoying his afternoon coffee. “Is it the same as usual?”

“Nope, they’re kinda different.” Hyukjae takes another sip of his coffee before he put his mug down, turn his body to Donghae who already finished and sitting beside him, still listening to him. “The company asked me to add a little bit _provocative_ choreography that involves thighs.”

The companies that had been working together with Hyukjae sometimes made little requests that may vary from the normal one to the questionable one, but as professional as the older man is, he will still try to fulfill their requests.

Although he does reject some of them if the request already crossed lines, for example putting _explicit contents_ in minor boy groups.

“… why?” No matter how much Hyukjae often tells him, it’s still hard for Donghae to adjust himself in the _freedom_ of the entertainment world. “Are they still minors?”

“No, no,” Hyukjae reflexively waves his hand. “The youngest is already twenty so I see no problem.” Donghae still needs more explanations of this. “I think the company asked me to involve moves that could point out their thighs is because they want to show that _men can pull this kind of dance, too!_ kind of feeling? You know, _marketing_?”

“…I see?”

“And since their debut concept is in shorts and lots of harness, so yeah, it’s gonna be a sexy concept.” Hyukjae chuckles afterward, looks like he suddenly remembers something. “They really worked hard on their work out, you know, especially when it comes on leg day.”

Donghae hums, eyes focusing on Hyukjae who didn’t notice his gaze anymore. “Did they?”

“Yeah, and I can tell that it was leg day when their limbs won’t listen to them, too tired to move anymore.” A small smile forms in Hyukjae’s face, endearment obviously shows on his face. “It’s cute.” He lets out a small laugh before realizing that the space between him and Donghae is narrowed too much by he can feels the younger man’s breath on his skin. “Uh… what are you doing?”

Donghae responding by leaning even closer that he leaves a small peck on Hyukjae’s cheek before grins as he pulls back, “You’re cuter.” Hyukjae seems taken aback, “Are you going home after this or you’re going to the studio again?

“I…” Hyukjae seems like he’s still taken aback by rubs the place Donghae kissed before, “I, uh, since there’s no schedule today—” Hyukjae stops, abruptly looking up to Donghae—that has no clue why the older man become like this—as he groans, “Goddammit, Donghaek, what’s with the sudden attack?!”

“What attack?” Donghae tilts his head in confusion, only to understand a little bit late by the way Hyukjae’s cheeks suddenly reddened. “Ohhhh.” But soon he frowns, “What, we’ve been doing more than that, why are you became so shy over such a little kiss on the cheek?”

“You—!”

Shrugging, Donghae rolls his eyes as he says, “What, isn’t it?” A grunt can be heard from Hyukjae, but he doesn’t utter any denial because it’s true. Donghae grins, however, as he asks, “Was it because we haven’t kiss for a while?”

Hyukjae groans, “That too, but—” he stops, however, seems like noticing Donghae’s grins that even goes wider than before. “You’re kinda annoying today, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.” Donghae still grinning, though, doesn’t take Hyukjae’s words seriously. “But unfortunately, this annoying man ended up dating you, so bear with it.”

“Why do I agree to date you again?”

“I don’t know, aren’t you the one who agreeing that?” Donghae shrugs, playful grin plasters on his face. Teasing Hyukjae is always fun for him. “So what were you saying, again?”

Hyukjae huffs, “God, I really, really, hate you sometimes.” The younger man only cackles in returns. “I don’t have any schedule today so I think I’ll just go home.”

Donghae stops, “Right now?”

“Yeah,” the older man gets off his chair, back-facing Donghae as he goes to the sink to wash the mugs they used. “Unless you want me to stay.”

Wow.

Okay.

Although it sounds normal as it is, Donghae can’t help but getting suspicious that there is hidden meaning behind Hyukjae’s words—the latter often ended up doing surprising things to him, _which he doesn’t mind,_ but still.

The way Hyukjae says it is kind of intriguing in Donghae’s ears.

Donghae bites his inner cheeks, contemplating on how to sounds unnerving although he’s the one who nervous now. “So what will you do if you’re staying?”

“Well,” Hyukjae stops, leaving the mugs on the dryer before he turns his back and leaning to the counter, eyes lands on Donghae as he says, “It can be anything.”

“Such as?”

Hyukjae’s eyes tell Donghae something he wouldn’t rather know, while he smiles rather smug. “I don’t know, _anything_?”

“Anything?” Donghae asks, emphasizing.

“Yeah, _anything._ ”

_ Alright. Hyukjae is the one who started it. _ Donghae get off his chair as he replies “Alright.” before he approaches Hyukjae, starts slings his arms around the latter’s waist to pulls him closer before he asks, “So you’re okay if I lift you to the bedroom now?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t mind.” Soon Hyukjae let himself to be lifted by Donghae as he put his arms around the latter’s neck to make himself not falling down, leans closer to the latter’s face by enticing eyes while he licks his own plump lips, “Do you have any idea, though?”

“Oh, of course there’s plenty,” Donghae’s smile still stays even after lifting Hyukjae as they start to walk to the living room, “But I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

Hyukjae throws him a sly smirk, one hand reaches Donghae’s glasses only to take it off and lift his jaw before he exclaims, “Surprise me, then.” and pulls Donghae for a kiss, which the latter complies by pleasure.

It takes a good effort for Donghae for finally reaches his bedroom while his lips being devoured by Hyukjae rather hungrily, only to be broken when both of them fall to the bed by the older man on top of him. Hyukjae seems doesn’t mind by him lightly chuckles, their legs tangled while his fingers tracing Donghae’s facial strong feature before he asks, “So, this is your idea?”

“Not really, but this isn’t too bad.” His chuckle infecting Donghae by the latter doing the same after that, but while gently combing Hyukjae’s soft brown hair, showing his lovable forehead, while the other arm is hugging Hyukjae’s waist. “Or do you have any better idea?” Hyukjae softly laughs but he shakes his head. “Alright then.”

“Hey, I was thinking,” Hyukjae stops his fingers on the space between Donghae’s eyebrows, lightly pushing the skin upwards as he suddenly asks, “When did you start to realize your feelings, though? To me, I mean.”

_ Ah, so the time has come, huh. _ “Do you really want to know, though?” which Hyukjae replies with an immediate nod. “Well, actually it’s… been two years.”

It makes Hyukjae’s eyes dilate in surprise as he exclaims, “That long?” Donghae hesitantly nods. “Then it’s around our military discharge isn’t it?”

“A month before that, actually, when I realized _spending the rest of my life with Hyukjae doesn’t sounds like a bad idea at all._ ” Donghae lets out a small chuckle when Hyukjae still looks adorably surprised, patting his head before he says, “For a little crush probably way long before that, though.”

“I… see.” He doesn’t look as shocked as before, which soon he asks again, “But you can spend the rest of your life with me as a friend too, don’t you think?”

“I know, I’ve thought about that numerous times actually,” He really knows that. He had spent numerous nights of contemplating his feelings for Hyukjae, whether the feeling he has only because he is confused or he really is _in love_ with the older man—but in the end his mind always screams _yes you love him, idiot, just admit it already_ and yes, he did admit it. “But I know this feeling I have isn’t for a friend if I have this thought of wanting you to be the one I see in the morning every day.”

Hyukjae looks taken aback, seems he doesn’t expect Donghae’s response but soon his corner lips tug a little smile, leaning their face closer before he comments, “You sure know how make someone’s heart flattered huh.”

“Oh, you’re welcome.” Hyukjae scoffs but his face looks happy otherwise. “Then what about you?”

“Well, for me,” Donghae intently paying attention, since although they already _almost_ went all the way, sometimes he does wonder how come Hyukjae could easily accepted his messy confession. “I’m comfortable with you, so I don’t see why can’t I accept your confession? But soon I realized that _hey, I love you? Be mine?_ kind of feeling?”

“I see,” _So Hyukjae was still confused when they dated in the beginning huh._ “I’ll work hard so you’ll stay, then.”

Laughing, Hyukjae still replies, gentler this time. “You don’t have to, though.”

Donghae shakes his head, “Nope, it’s still not enough.”

“Alright, Buddy, do your best then.” But soon Hyukjae asks, “Are we going to spend the rest of the day like this?”

“Well, do you have any other idea?”

“Are you open for a make out right now?”

“ _Very._ ”

It doesn’t take long before Donghae pushes Hyukjae to the bed, reversing their position by him on top of the older man and pulls him for a kiss, deeper and heated this time.

* * *

Actually, after he met Heechul last Friday and been through lots of thought until late night, Donghae is able to get some lights in the problem he has at the moment.

He does want to marry Hyukjae; he’s sincere about it.

By sharing days and nights together, seeing Hyukjae’s smile every day, make a family and adopt a kid or two—or if Hyukjae doesn’t want kids, being old and spend the rest of his life with the older man doesn’t sounds bad either.

But he is still afraid to ask him, actually, since he is still afraid how Hyukjae will react to him.

For what Donghae is sure of, the chance of being rejected is rather big, since they only have been dating only for almost four months in total—and he really know that Hyukjae is a person who isn’t used to have such big changes in his life—which may end up having some side effects such as breaking up, or even, Hyukjae cutting Donghae off his life completely, and he doesn’t want that.

Another option is Hyukjae perhaps going to say _I don’t know, Donghae, can you give me some time to think this through?_ like on the first time Donghae proposed him but in the end, he doesn’t do anything and still keep dating him without giving him any answer, leaving him hanging.

The last option is Hyukjae will accept him, but this option has the least percentage for happening since, well, although Donghae seen Hyukjae became more expressive in the relationship, that doesn’t mean he is ready for a marriage either.

He has been trying to be careful for such months long, thinking on how he would try to talk it out with Hyukjae, but often him chickening out when the time comes and ended up not doing it, and makes him more distressed than he thought he is.

It’s stuffing him out—it’s so feeding him up; him being a coward, a coward, and a big coward in general.

He is _still_ afraid if he’s the only one who is excited about it.

(He is still _haven’t prepared himself for the worst._ )

Which makes him ask Siwon some enlightenments when he handed the documents Siwon asked him, rather out of the blue.

“So what do you think about me purposing Hyukjae again?”

And makes Siwon almost throws the documents flying in his room.

His words seem make Siwon taken aback with the older man suddenly exclaims, “I thought you already did?”

Frowning, Donghae pulls his head back, rather baffled as he says, “Who said that?”

“Uhhhhh me?”

“Beep. Wrong answer.”

“So, you haven’t?”

“Ding-dong, that’s right.”

“Stop it.”

“Alright, alright.” Donghae soon sighs, however, as he asks, “Is it a stupid question, then?”

“Well, yes, it is?” Siwon follows his sighs as he lightly slaps the documents Donghae handed him earlier on his work table. “Asking my advice for the most obvious thing is actually more than being stupid, actually.” He soon adds, “Moreover, in work hours.”

“But the work hours almost ended?”

“Yeah, almost as if in thirty minutes?”

Donghae pouts as he makes himself comfortable sitting on the armrest of Siwon’s couch, slightly leaning on the edge as he nags, “C’mon, it’s not like we have anything to do now. Hear this little friend of yours a little bit.”

Siwon groans, but he still patient enough to handle whiny Donghae at this rate. “Listen, it’s not like I don’t care about your love life, but,” He sighs again, turns his chair to Donghae who still tightly stares at him. “In fact, what you’re looking for is an assurance, not an advice.” Donghae tilts his head in confusion. “Well, you know that you want to marry him, right?”

_ Yes, yes, and yes of course he wants to. _ “…of course I do.”

“But what are you afraid of is how Hyukjae is going to respond you, don’t you?” Donghae was about to cuts Siwon off but the latter’s eyes immediately throw him a stare, explicitly asks _if there’s something wrong from what he just said_ , which the younger man immediately backs down. “And what you’re afraid the most is _he rejects you_ , aren’t you?”

Really, Donghae would never not amazed how Siwon always observant about everyone around them. “Well, that too, but now I’m more worried about the risks, actually.” He knew all of the risks; the marriage, how it may affect Hyukjae’s career especially, how others would react to them, _everything_ —these kinds of thought actually distressing him more than he thought, but he just can’t help it. “If he did accept it, what’s gonna happen with his life? I can think about mine later, but what about Hyukjae?”

Siwon sighs, silently eyeing Donghae from the top to the bottom, staring rather incredulous before he asks, “… so you haven’t think to that extent when you purposed him months ago?”

“Well… no.” He soon lets out an empty laugh while he reflexively shrugs. “I must be so blinded at that time.” Since all he thought at that time is _I have to make sure to be together with Hyukjae for the rest of my life_ without thinking any consequences, the risks, _everything_.

Which makes him being in the situation as he is right now; _agonizing_ every step he should take in order to be careful in his relationship with Hyukjae.

“More than blinded, you’re just an idiot to be honest.”

“Oh, wow, thank you for slapping the facts on my face, Sir.”

“But really,” Ignoring Donghae’s sarcasm by propping his chin by his hand while his elbow supports on the table, Siwon’s stare still incredulous but at least he looks care about Donghae’s problem now. “You really need to talk it out with him, you know.”

“But how?”

“I think you need to approach him about it slowly since Hyukjae isn’t a type that likes a big change to begin with.” Siwon sighs, finally stands up to approaching Donghae who looked a little lost now while adds, “Do ask his opinion when there’s any event that is related to what you look for; marriage, career, etcetera.”

_ Ah, that might work too. _ The enlightenment shows in Donghae’s face, looks like he finally found what he looks for but soon he frowns, “Won’t that looks obvious, though?”

Pondering, Siwon slowly nods, which says _well that’s true_ but soon he says, “If you do it subtly, let’s hope he won’t notice it then.” His hands reached Donghae’s cheeks, lightly shakes the younger man’s head, trying to cheer him up. “Don’t overthink this too much, Dude. Just let it happen naturally.”

“I’ll… try then.” Donghae finally smiles genuinely, the sparks in his eyes returns while his hands reach Siwon’s, trying to shake his hands away. “Thanks, really.”

The older man responds by patting his head, and for the first time, Donghae doesn’t hate it at all.

It’s soothing, actually.

And maybe he really should try to talk it out with Hyukjae when the time allows him to rather than trying to solve this by himself.

Or he will be the one who break first.


	7. pt.7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won't say much, so enjoy!

A wedding invitation came to his apartment after that.

It’s a week after his talk with Siwon, which they ended up spending the night together with a late dinner and the older man told him that their underclassman, Ryeowook, is going to get married soon. Donghae doesn’t believe it at first, since from all he remembered, Ryeowook isn’t a type who’s going to marry any soon unlike Sungmin, who’s already a husband by heart and all.

But now he can’t help to believe it by the proof already in his hand, right after he returns home after work.

_ Time sure flies, huh. _ Donghae thought as he quickly reads the invitation while he found himself sitting on the couch as he re-read it several times, making sure it’s real and not a scam.

It really is a wedding invitation.

Sighing, he reflexively unties his tie while he takes off his suit, feels stuffed all of sudden, before throwing it to the nearest area and fishing his phone out of his pocket, calling Hyukjae since he must be receiving one too and he must be still in his studio that he hasn’t reacted to it.

_ “Hello?” _

By the tone of his voice, Hyukjae sounds like he still doesn’t know yet like he’s predicted. “Hey, Hyukjae, have you heard?” Hyukjae mouths _what is_ in return. “Ryeowook’s getting married.”

It was a pure silence for a few second before Hyukjae reacts with a loud _“HUH???”_ , which Donghae reflexively puts his phone away for the sake of his healthy ears. _“He is??? How come I don’t know that???”_

“Well, check your mailbox when you’re home, probably there’s one for you too.” Amused, Donghae lightly smiles as he asks, “Wanna go together?”

_ “Sure—wait, wait, when’s the wedding anyway?” _

“It’s—” Donghae flips the pages of the invitation, looking for the exact date of the wedding. Ah, there is it. “It’s on the next Friday. Do you have schedule on that day?”

_ “Hm… let me see my schedule first.” _ It went silent for a while, by Donghae sometimes heard some screen-tapping in their call, seems like Hyukjae saving his schedule in his phone. _“Is the wedding in the morning?”_ Donghae replies _it is_ in return. _“I do have one, but I’ll try to negotiate with Boss later.”_

Donghae beams, “Then tell me when you got the permission so I can pick you up, okay?”

_ “Sure! I’ll tell you when it comes. _ ” But soon Hyukjae stops, sounds hesitant for a few seconds before he asks, _“Hey, are you busy tomorrow?”_

“Not really, probably only working like usual, why?”

_ “Did you remember the group I talk about?”  _ Donghae hums in reply. “They’re practicing right now. Wanna come?”

_ Hmm. _

Should he?

He looks up to the nearest clock on the wall, checking the time. It’s almost nine at night. He needs to get up in seven in order to go to work at nine. The studio Hyukjae working at is actually only takes ten minutes from his place, while it usually takes twenty five minutes for Donghae to go to the older man’s house.

And it’s rare for Hyukjae to ask him to go to his workplace, so…

“Did you have dinner yet?” Donghae asks as he gets up the sofa and walks to his closet, looking for more comfy clothes as he puts the call to speaker, so he can change. He heard Hyukjae mouthed a weak _no_ in return. “Do you want me to bring you some foods on the way?”

_ “God, I love you so much.” _ It was the sincerest he has ever heard from Hyukjae—Donghae couldn’t help but feels his cheeks become warmer. “Can you bring chickens for the kids, too?”

Donghae clears his throat, lightly fanning his heated body as he finally finished changes to more comfortable clothes. “Sure. The usual?” Hyukjae replies with _yes please do_ and Donghae can imagine how happy he must be right now. “I’ll be there around thirty minutes, then.”

Hyukjae beams in reply, “Yeah, see you later!”

* * *

Hyukjae send the studio number he’s using at the moment after Donghae is done buying the dinner for him.

It only takes five minutes for Donghae to reach the studio while he spent almost twenty minutes for the chicken. He’s actually contemplating to buy the beers, but soon realizes that he shouldn’t buy alcohol for the sake of the new boy group so he ended up only buying colas and ciders.

(Too bad he can’t, though.)

After he’s arriving the studio, he immediately enters the studio, only to be greeted by Seulgi who’s on duty today. Although their meetings are able to be counted by fingers, Seulgi seems immediately knew who Donghae’s coming for as she reflexively asks, “Did Hyukjae- _sunbaenim_ told you the number of the studio?”

“He did, but—”

Seulgi cuts him off with a smile as she beams, “Tell me the number and I’ll show you the way, then.”

So Donghae did and Seulgi shown him the way as she promised.

It doesn’t take long to reach Hyukjae’s studio as Seulgi excuses herself, leaving Donghae alone in the front of the door. Donghae sighs before he slightly peeks behind the glass door, trying to sneak a peek on how Hyukjae’s attitude at work since the only time he’s ever been in this studio are when he picked the older man to have dinner or to send him home because he’s too tired to drive—Hyukjae mostly ended up crashing at Donghae’s place since it’s closer, though.

Only to be covered by a pair of single-lidded eyes he knew by heart, staring him rather incredulous.

“You startled me!” Donghae backs away in surprise while Hyukjae opens the door, sighing in disbelief as he’s eyeing the younger man from the top to the bottom. “What’s with you?!”

“You…” Sighing, Hyukjae stretches his hands to reach the plastic bags of chicken as he responds, “I can see you from the inside, you know.”

Donghae frowns, slightly offended by being told of something he already knew. “I know. It’s a glass door.”

“Then why don’t you just get in instead of standing like an idiot?” Hyukjae grumbles before he snatches the plastic bags away from Donghae and turns back to enters the studio. “Seriously…”

Donghae lightly pouts but his feet follow Hyukjae in. “Well, I just wanna see how you work so…”

“You don’t have to do that to see me working, you know.” Laughing, Hyukjae slightly turn his back to pats Donghae’s head before he smiles, “I’ll show you later.”

Donghae’s still pouts but he nods anyway.

“Guys, let’s take a break first!” Sounds of clapping echoes the studio comes from Hyukjae which stops everything the kids doing at the moment. “I got chickens for us!”

The room suddenly went noisy by them surrounding Hyukjae like chicks meeting their mom, chirping _god, teacher you’re a life saver!_ while helping him to unpack the chicken on the floor, not noticing Donghae’s presence in the studio. Hyukjae soon notices however, as he silently waves his hand, asking Donghae to join them.

But being asked to jumped into crowds full of boys—Donghae counted them before by eyes and it was nine members—is a bit…

Before Donghae even have time to react, Hyukjae suddenly says, “It’s sudden, but I brought my friend here. Let me introduce him to you guys before you eat.” while he waves his hand to Donghae for one more time, firmly asks him to join them again. “Come here.” So Donghae did, although he steps closer in hesitation. “His name is Lee Donghae, and he used to be in the same dance club as I am when I was in college. He’s—or was he? He was a pretty good dancer back then.”

“Hey!” Donghae is a little bit offended.

“But anyway!” Hyukjae ignores him. “He’s only gonna observes you guys tonight so don’t be nervous and just practicing as usual, okay?” The members nod in understanding in return. “Oh, right, he’s the one who bought the chickens so thank him properly, okay?” As soon as Hyukjae said so, the boys bow in rhymes while loudly thanking Donghae in return. Donghae’s heart skimped a little bit while Hyukjae only laughs as he adds, “But don’t scare him either.”

The kids follow Hyukjae’s laugh after.

It went noisy after that, by the kids literally stuffing themselves by the chickens Donghae bought—he’s relieved that he bought enough for them—while Hyukjae slightly pulls himself from the crowds, leaning on the mirror in the practice room while sits beside Donghae, quietly eats his late dinner as his eyes still lingers on the kids.

His stare is really gentle.

Donghae doesn’t say anything as he observes all over the room, lightly smile as he suddenly reminisces about his college past, when Hyukjae and he often runs to the club as soon as their class finished, letting out their stress by their bodies.

At first Hyukjae was the one who insisted him to join with him, being a shy freshman and Donghae was the only one present at that time—Siwon already fled to join another club, probably volunteer-related like usual. Donghae was about to join the soccer club back then, only to be begged by Hyukjae’s desperate pleas _(please join this with me, I know you like to dance too, Donghae you don’t wanna be on the same club as I am?, it’ll be a good workout too!, please please pretty please Donghae?_ ) for a week straight, which he ended up surrendered because he got enough of it.

It’s not like he doesn’t like dance either, so _why not_?

Hyukjae was really not one of the reasons why he joined, that’s what Donghae is sure of.

(He was.)

“It reminds me of our college days.” Hyukjae suddenly speaks up, mouth full of chicken indistinguishable parts which makes him sounds muffled. “When we taught our freshmen as we became seniors.” Donghae almost chocked in response. “Why, why? What’s wrong?”

“No—” Hyukjae offers him a drink but carbonated drinks aren’t an option when someone is chocked like he is right now. “Wait, wait—” Donghae tries to control his breathing, calming himself down while Hyukjae worriedly patting his back. It takes a few minutes before Donghae finally cough, rather in embarrassment as he says, “Sorry.”

Hyukjae clearly still looks worried. “You okay?”

“Yeah—yeah, yeah, yeah, I am.” God, that was _really_ embarrassing. “I was kinda surprised because we thought of the same thing.” Hyukjae hums but his mouth doesn’t stop chewing, hands still patting Donghae’s back. “God, I’m sorry, I’m so embarrassing.”

Hyukjae shows a swallow motion, emptying the cave of his mouth and soon chuckling, now patting Donghae’s head instead while shows his gummy smile before says, “Yeah, you are.” Donghae grumbles in return. “That was funny, though.”

Donghae sighs, “I hate you.”

“Yeah, I love you too.” Hyukjae’s hand stop patting Donghae, finding his chopsticks and back to eat his remaining chickens. “But anyway,” He turns his head to Donghae as he asks, “About Ryeowook… I asked Boss and he said I can take a day off at that day.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll pick you up early then.” The wedding reception take place is on the same way as the way to Hyukjae’s house after all. “Do you still have the suit?”

Hyukjae blinks, suddenly looks like it flits on his mind and it takes a few moments for him to pause and pondering before he answers, “I… don’t know. Where did I put it again?” Soon he frowns, trying to remembers where the last time was he put his suit in his own house. “Huh? Wait… where is it again?”

“Or is it on your parents’ house?” Donghae tries to help him remember the place. The closest wedding they had attended was Hyukjae’s sister’s which is almost a year ago. “You know, your sister’s wedding?”

“Ah! That’s possible too!” Hyukjae’s eyes enlighten, which is very bright in Donghae’s eyes and he can’t help but got him swooned all over again. “I’ll ask my parents later, then.” He sighs, however, as he asks, rather hesitant, “Do you… have any plan on the days after that?”

Donghae can’t help but wondering anything but innocent thoughts as he asks, “No… why?”

“I actually have a shoot around Dongdaemun on Sunday for a collaboration with two of the kids here for their debut teaser, wanna come?”

Sometimes Donghae wants to punch himself for stupidly making his own assumptions over unrelated things. “Is an outsider even allowed to come?” which Hyukjae seems too innocent to do things he thought he would be by only nodding and murmurs _it’s okay it’s okay_. Alright, he really wants to punch himself out of his embarrassment now. “What time the shoot will starts, though?”

Hyukjae tiling his head, pondering for a while before he replies, “The schedule says around noon, I think.” Before he leans closer and adds, rather quiet, “… will you come?”

“… and do you have any schedule after that?” Hyukjae gently shakes his head. “Let’s have dinner after that, then?”

Which soon it makes Hyukjae’s orbs sparkling in delight and rapidly nods, “Sure, sure! Let’s!”

“Alright, alright.” Donghae chuckles in reply while patting the older man’s head. “I’ll let you know when I’m on the way.”

“Have I ever told you I love you so much?”

“Well, yes, _plenty_ , actually,” but soon he looks around, making sure everyone minding their own business, before he asks quietly, “Can I kiss you?”

Hyukjae answers him with a quick peck on Donghae’s lips in return.

Ten minutes later, Hyukjae calls out the boys to continue the practice after cleaning up. Donghae soon follows while he sits on the nearest chair, observing them especially Hyukjae.

Which soon he remembers that it’s been a long time since he saw Hyukjae dance, by the latter demonstrates the moves with the music, the gazes he had suddenly changed rather solemn while occasionally correcting the kids when they got the moves wrong.

Yeah.

Hyukjae is really shines his brightest when he dances.


	8. pt.8

Going to Ryeowook’s wedding is probably not the best idea Donghae has in his hands.   


He realizes as soon as they stepped on the church, he sees lots of familiar faces he has seen in college, from the least to most liked.

And he realizes even more that nobody knows about his relationship with Hyukjae but Siwon.   


Hyukjae seems realizing the same thing as Donghae is, by immediately let go of Donghae’s hand that has been intertwined with this since they were on the parking lot, before throws the younger man a small smile as they enter the church.

The sense of loss in Donghae’s fingers still linger.

It’s… bitter.

It’s even worse when Hyukjae unconsciously gives some distance between them, silently saying _we shouldn’t let anyone know about us_ while greeting their friends, smiling and being polite and whatever adults should’ve done at the moment.

Donghae does the same, however, rather dejected but he tries, he really tries to not show it. He’s an adult; he really should be able to looks composed and collected, just like when he’s in front of his numerous clients he has been through.

He’s a responsible adult that knows how the world works and should have knew how to behave at this kind of event.

He is an adult.

An adult that is know how to behave.

_ But why his chest is really hurting right now? _

The blood that pounds in his ears only make it worse by starting to break him more and more, slowly makes his stomach churns while his mouth starts to feel dry and chapped.

As the time he hides it more, the more he feels his fingers tremble to the point he needs to hide it by crossing his arms on his chest, smiles it up when someone asks him something, chest slowly tightens when someone asks Hyukjae about marriage.

It’s gotten worse when Hyukjae only shrugs the questions off, clearly trying to avoid the topic of _marriage_ itself.

Slowly, as the time ticks, he can feel himself floating, unable to feel the ground he has been stepping for minutes long, unable to differentiate whether he’s breathing or not at the moment.

Breathing suddenly becomes the hardest thing to do.

He tries to pulls himself together, looking around to find something that might calm him down. He doesn’t know anyone. The one he knew that is close to Ryeowook are Siwon and Hyukjae—and asking the latter for help only triggers him more.

After seconds of torture looking for a relief, he never feels more relieved than anything when his eyes lay on Siwon who’s busy talking with Ryeowook.

His body reflexively pulls himself away from Hyukjae—who even got more crowds as the time ticks—and immediately approaches Siwon.

For a breather, it is.

The more he’s closer to Siwon, the more he feels himself on the ground, breath stabilizing and the tremble on his fingers slowly disappears.

His vision suddenly looks as clear as crystal pearls.

He takes a deep sigh before he greets them, trying to looks like nothing happened a while ago. “Hey.” He greets both of them by giving them an open hug. “Fancy to see both of you talk normally like this.”

It seems working by Ryeowook rolls his eyes while scoffs, reacting normally. “Hyung, that’s not funny anymore.” Although it does work on Siwon by him laughing his ass off. “Ugh, these old men seriously…”

“Why? It’s funny, though?” He can’t help himself to not smile his sincerest today. “Where’s your bride, by the way?”

“Oh, she was with her friends earlier. I don’t know where she is now, though.” The little man replies sounds rather sulking, but soon he beams, “That reminds me, Siwon-hyung said you’re with Hyukjae-hyung?” Donghae only nods in return. “As if, dating?”

Donghae’s eyes dilate in surprise as he immediately turns his head to Siwon, who looks apologetic, clearly in disbelief as he exclaims, “You—!”

“Sorry! It just slipped!!”

Ryeowook ignores the response by curiously asking “But why isn’t he with you, though?” He clearly knows that Donghae in the verge of beating Siwon at the moment but only ended up pinching his biceps hard since he doesn’t want to make any scene at this sacred event. “I mean, you guys are dating, why don’t you disgustingly sticky to each other?”

Now Donghae turns his head to Ryeowook, clearly even more in disbelief, his replies sound squeaky. “Did we actually look like that in your eyes?”

“For a new couple like you two, I can’t see why not.” Ryeowook shrugs, eyes seem found Hyukjae in the crowd before he exclaims rather understanding, “Ah, now I get why don’t you. Hyukjae- _hyung_ is a well-known person, after all.”

Donghae grunts, rather annoyed. “Wow, thank you for being quick at catching things as always.”

“Well, what I’m trying to say is, I have nothing against your relationship—it’s not like you do any harm with it, don’t you? Don’t be so stiff, Hyung.” It must be because today is his wedding that Ryeowook’s harsh tongue has toned down a lot, since Donghae actually founds it weird that his junior being this nice to him—although at some part he does grateful for that, too. “It really shows on your face, you know.”

Donghae, well, does realize it too but he’s been ignoring himself at this point. “I know.” But soon he sighs rather dejected, unable to pent up his feelings anymore. “I know _that much._ ” Soon he sighs again, feels aggrieved. “That’s why I’m here with you guys.”

The response from him seems like surprising them by Siwon speaks up, “Why, something’s wrong?”

“I… Well, they asked Hyukjae about marriage since he’s old enough to do so but he looks so cautious and I…” soon he rubs his face, stopping himself to not cause a ruckus since he feels like he can explode at any moment soon, both of his eyes suddenly feel warm. “I don’t know, I just… don’t wanna be there.” He must be look so pathetic that it makes Siwon pulls him for a hug again. “God, Ryeowook, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to be like this on your wedding—" Ryeowook shush him as he joins the hug. “Oh God..."

Ryeowook soon laughs, however, seems trying to break the ice, "We're like Teletubbies right now."

“Are we?” Siwon slightly looks up as he looks around, only to realize that they started to get some attentions from the guests. “But what I’m sure of we sure got lots of attention here.”

“Well,” Ryeowook grins, “I’ll let go then.” Which soon he does, letting Siwon comforts Donghae by hugging him tighter, letting the latter to hide his face on his shoulder. “What happened, though, Siwon- _hyung_?”

Although Siwon seems unsure by the way he speaks, he still tells Ryeowook anyway, “Well, there’s… lot of things on Donghae’s mind these weeks so he’s kind of stressed at the moment.”

“I see,” which soon Ryeowook helps Siwon to comfort Donghae by patting his back. “Let’s act normally so nobody notices this then.”

“Alright, then…” and Siwon starts to talk normally to Ryeowook, covering Donghae whom breathing only become ragged as he reflexively fisting Siwon’s shirt, trying to control himself to not letting everything out or it’ll only become obvious to Hyukjae later—which Siwon takes the hint by rubbing his back, trying to comforting him. “Shh, Donghae, Donghae, it’s alright.” But still talking to Ryeowook while occasionally glances to others—who seems don’t pay attention as much as they got before.

Donghae is never been glad to be smaller than Siwon in this kind of situation as the older man able to hid him.

It takes around ten minutes before Donghae finally let go of Siwon’s embrace, immediately fishing handkerchief out of his pocket, carefully rubbing his face to clean any sadness left on before he looks up and asks, “Do I look alright now?”

“Better,” but soon Siwon adds, “Let’s fix yourself on the restroom later.”

“Donghae- _hyung_ ,” the youngest man calls, rather worried. “I don’t know what happened, but, hang in there, alright?” Ryeowook seems got called to another place as he hugs Donghae for the last time rather tight by hands patting his back before he excuses himself, “Sorry, I’ll contact you later!”

Donghae mouthed _yeah sure and congrats for your wedding!_ in reply before he averts his face to Siwon, who patiently waiting for him to explain everything that happened not too long ago.

He doesn’t have any choice but explain, not after borrowing Siwon’s body as an escape.

“Let’s… go to a quieter place, then.”

* * *

Sighing could be heard from Donghae after he washes his face, rather in relief while his head still hanging low, eyes strongly nailed the basin while Siwon leaning on the counter, facing the opposite direction but he knew the latter must be crossing his hands in front of his chest, still waiting for Donghae to explain everything.

Not that Donghae really have to explain, Donghae knows that Siwon understands that much, but the younger man does owe him some.

“Are you okay, though?” Siwon’s tone sounds a little bit worried when he asked, but he still doesn’t move. “You look pretty awful a while ago.”

Ashamed still hovering Donghae’s entire body system, but he manages to answer although his voice comes out more nasal than he thought he is, “I’m… better, I think.” He sighs again, however, before he musters some courage to finally lift his head up to seeing himself on the mirror. Yep, he looks alright now. “Sorry to trouble you”

“No, no, it’s okay, as long as you already feel better.” Siwon still back-facing him, but his head turns to Donghae’s direction before he asks, “Can I ask you something?” Donghae hums in reply. “I assume you haven’t talk it out with Hyukjae, have you?”

“I… no, I haven’t.” which soon Donghae grits his teeth, actually upset by himself that isn’t courageous enough to face Hyukjae about this worry of his. He grips the edge of the basin before he tells, “He has lots of project in his hands at the moment; I don’t want to break his pace.”

Donghae clearly sees Siwon’s expression through the mirror, which says _alright there he goes again_ while he replies, “Are you going to avoid it again?”

_ Yes, yes, I am. _ “No, no, that’s—” Donghae tried to explain but with Siwon’s sigh only flusters him even more. “Listen, listen, I don’t want to avoid it, okay? I’m just trying to find the right time to do so. You know how Hyukjae is when he’s working, don’t you?”

Scoffing, Siwon rolls his eyes before he asks straight to the point. “Well, are you _really_ worrying about that?”

Damn Siwon and his observant skill. “No, yeah, I don’t.” He sighs, rather dejected. Even he himself still doesn’t understand _why_ he was like that, being hopeless and weak, a while ago. “Hey, Siwon,” he turns his back to Siwon who has been staring at him for a while before he asks, “Am I wrong to overthinking this much?”

Siwon seems trying to put nice words to comfort him, but in the end, he swallowed everything down to his throat by asking “Seriously, Donghae, why are you torturing yourself like this?”

“I’m not! I’m—I just don’t what things to get ugly!” No, he is torturing himself because he is a coward who isn’t brave enough to bring the topic up to Hyukjae. He just _can’t do it._ “And the risks too!”

Siwon seems losing his patience by exclaims, “But you love him, right?!”

“Of course I am!” Donghae groans as his head hanging low, spontaneously banging the counter rather angry. _Isn’t it obvious?!_ “I’m frustrated too, you know!”

Although it startled Siwon, he still manages to try to calming Donghae down by approaching the younger man, patting his shoulder rather concerned. “No, I mean, listen, I already told you before how to bring it up, right?”

Donghae sighs as he is trying to calm himself down. He did. He really did already tell him weeks ago but still… “You did, but I… can’t bring myself to say it.”

“Should I help you, then?”

“Uh…” No, Siwon helping him is not necessary—yes, he is tempted, but if he is always involving Siwon when it comes to something like this, he’s afraid that one day he won’t be able to make decisions for himself since he will become dependent to Siwon. “No, no, I appreciate the thought, but you don’t really have to, really.”

Siwon couldn’t help but frowns, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, I am. You don’t have to go that far, though.” He really needs to get a grip of himself and do talk it out to Hyukjae or he won’t going anywhere at this rate. “I’ll… I will try to talk it out with him soon.”

“Alright—” the older man’s face still looks dubious, but he only sighs before he lightly punches Donghae’s shoulder as he adds, “Don’t stress yourself too much, alright?”

“Sorry for always troubling you—”

“It’s alright, really.”

“But—”

“As long as my friends are happy, I’m okay being troubled.”

Donghae’s eyes are teary for another reason before he pulls Siwon for a wholehearted hug.

He returned to Hyukjae who is in the middle of enjoying some desserts near the chocolate fountain, seems noticing Donghae by waving his hand, signaling to come closer.

Donghae only responds by a nod, secretly let out a big sigh under his breath. _You can do this, Donghae. Let’s prepare for the worst._

“Where were you?” was the first thing Hyukjae asked him, eyebrows knitted tight, curiosity paints all over his face, by mouth full of cakes.

_ Alright, that’s cute. _ “I went to the restroom.”

“That long?”

“Oh, I bumped into Siwon so we did chat for a while.”

Humming, Hyukjae only murmurs _alright then_ in return before he stuffs the last piece of the cake he had and asks, “Do you want to go home now?”

“Sure.” It’s better to leave now than staying longer, anyway. “Let’s greet Ryeowook first before we go home.” Which Hyukjae only nods as an answer before he put the plate down and tailing Donghae.

They go home after that, with Donghae is the one who’s driving, and the drive is pretty lively by Hyukjae being chatty; telling stories about person A, person B, person C and etcetera. Donghae isn’t really listening, but he tried his best to answers or giving reactions, casually replying Hyukjae.

Since he doesn’t really care about the persons Hyukjae has been telling (he knew none of them anyway) for more than ten minutes on their way driving home.

Fortunately, Hyukjae doesn’t notice Donghae’s disinterest and still going on for another ten minutes.

It was almost four pm when the chat still goes on until they almost reached Hyukjae’s apartment. They stopped for a while in the traffic light, two minutes before the light turns green, and Donghae almost stomp the gas pedal when Hyukjae quietly reaches his resting right hand, finally paying attention when he realizes the older man gently intertwining their fingers.

“… Hyukjae?” The tone in his voice is clearly says that he is confused, but Hyukjae shows no response when Donghae turns his head to face the older man. “What is it?”

Hesitant, Hyukjae slowly speaks up, but still haven’t facing Donghae, only tightening the grip on their holding hand. “Do you… want to come over?”

Donghae couldn’t help but flabbergasted by his eyes dilate rather large.

Hyukjae? Inviting him? In this manner? That’s not Hyukjae-like at all? _What happened?_ “You don’t have any schedule tomorrow?”

“I have one in the evening, so I can spare some time.” He notices Hyukjae nervously bites his plump lower lips, eyes still avoiding Donghae, but he still manages to speak calmly like it’s normal for him to invite him like this. “So… will you?”

If this situation happens at the normal days, Donghae would use every way to tease Hyukjae being so _inviting_ but today isn’t the day, not after what happened hours ago. “Hyukjae,” he calls, trying to get Hyukjae’s attention on him but the older man still stubborn enough to not facing him while the reflection on the rear mirror clearly shows his nervousness. “I don’t mind, but are you sure is everything alright?”

Blinking, Hyukjae throws him a confused look through the rear window, asking him back in reply, “Why did you ask that?”

“No reason,” He takes a quick glance to the traffic light timer; it’s still a minute and half before the light turns green. They still have some time. “Just trying to make sure.”

Hyukjae heaves a sigh, which sounds like a relieved sigh more than anything, seems become calmer than before by finally facing Donghae, throws him a small smile. “I just want to spend more time with you.”

“I see.” It won’t hurt to stay until late on Hyukjae’s place, right? It’s not like Donghae has anything to do tonight—and the fact that he already calmed down after he lashed everything out with Siwon is a plus point for him to not get triggered again, _hopefully_. “Sure, but do you have anything in your fridge right now?” since Hyukjae can’t cook anything but ramyun and Donghae can’t cook without any ingredients unless they’re sims in a game who can cook anything as long as they have simoleons or money.

The older man ponders for a while, seems trying to remember if there’s anything left in his fridge as he finally says, “Probably… only kimchi and eggs?”

Sighing rather in exasperation, Donghae soon snaps, “Just what did you actually eat when you’re not with me, Lee Hyukjae?” Hyukjae seems almost speaks up but Donghae soon cuts him off, “Oh, how silly of me for asking, of course it’s ramyun and take-outs, huh.” Hyukjae’s face says it all; both guilty and unable to say his objections. “Let’s go to your home first and change these suits before we go shopping then.”

“Do you have any clothes for change, though?”

“Well I can take yours like usual so what gives?”

Fortunately, the light already turns green before Hyukjae even have chance to hit Donghae’s head in reply.

* * *

Donghae really take Hyukjae’s clothes for changing his suit when they arrived in the latter’s apartment.

Hyukjae seems doesn’t mind, however, when he shows no response of Donghae clearly taking clothes on his closet in front of him, only sighing rather in disbelief before he changes his clothes, turns his back only to show his pale shoulders as the older man taking the shirt off.

Which, strangely in a perfect timing, Donghae happens to see it by the way his shirt effortlessly falls down until his upper arm, showing expanses of his smooth pale shoulders.

Donghae gulps, clenching his fists rather tight, holding himself to not giving a feel of Hyukjae’s upper body skin on his fingertips, trying to distract himself by taking off his suit and changes his clothes to a more comfortable pieces he can found. With the dim light of Hyukjae’s closet and the ray of sun that almost set seeps through the curtain, shoots through Hyukjae who already changed his pants by illuminate his naked back and his brown hair, only to make him even looks prettier.

_ Dammit. _

It seems like the older man doesn’t notice that Donghae has been staring at him for a while before he puts an oversized gray hoodie that Hyukjae often wear and turns his back, reflexively throws him a questioning look as he speaks up, “What?”

Donghae only sighs. He needs to train his self-control more, really. “Nothing, just enjoying the view.” Hyukjae frowns in reply. “Of you.”

“What are you saying.” He rolls his eyes in return before he stretches his hand to Donghae as he demands, “Give me your suits, I’ll wash it.”

So Donghae did, and soon Hyukjae left him on the closet to the washing room, only making the younger man lets out a relieved sigh after as he palms his forehead, cursing under his breath of his state right now.

He’s almost thirty-two this year and yet being in front of Hyukjae sometimes still making his heart beating fast like a teenager who only found his first love, thumping his ribcages in discomfort which making him clutching his own chest, trying to calming himself down.

_ He really loves him this much. _

_ It really hurts. _

* * *

“What do you want to make, though?” was Hyukjae’s question when Donghae returns with some tofu, chili pepper pastes and leeks, dumping them in the trolley that the older man brought. “I don’t see any correlations in these ingredients at all.”

“You just don’t see it because you can’t cook.”

“Rude, I make a great fried and poached egg!”

That’s true, but it still doesn’t count based Donghae’s knowledge in cooking. “Anyone can fry eggs, you know.” He utters as he drags the trolley to the fresh ingredients shelves, eyeing the meats that displayed while fixing his specs. “I was thinking of making a stew.” Said Donghae as he takes one of the wrapped meats to take a good look. “Probably that’s why you’re unfamiliar with the items in the trolley right now.”

“Well, but…” although without Donghae looking he is aware that Hyukjae throws him a judging stare behind his back before he says, “I don’t know you put milks and yogurts in stew.”

Sighing, he takes another wrapped meat, slightly baffled by Hyukjae inside of his mind. “… I never said I will put them in the stew.” He turns his back, finally facing Hyukjae, deadpans as he asks, “Do I ever said that?”

Blinking, Hyukjae carefully asks, still looks clueless, “You’re not?”

“…are you being serious right now?”

Hyukjae shuts himself after that, seems realizing how stupid his questions are.

They shop for a while—it takes a good effort for Donghae to stop Hyukjae went to the noodle shelves and stuffing him to healthier options—before they pay the groceries, taking a while to put them on the plastic bags as Donghae pays for them all.

They ended up bringing equal amounts of groceries bags in each hand.

Since the shop is actually near Hyukjae’s apartment, they walk home by feet, strolling the busy Friday night of Seoul. They don’t talk much, only commenting anything they see on their walk before they finally arrived on Hyukjae’s apartment, hurrying putting everything on the dinner table before the older man excused himself, probably to do some business on the toilet or something.

Donghae sighs, rather dejected, before he rolls up his sleeves and taking out groceries off the plastic bags, filling Hyukjae’s fridge that almost have _nothing_ but kimchi, bottled water, and some cans of beer, which can’t help but makes him sighing, rather in disbelief this time.

Sometimes Donghae wonders how Hyukjae can survive his life by eating nothing but only this plus ramyuns on his kitchen shelves.

It takes a while for Donghae before he starts to cook. Silently, he got drawn into cooking as lots of thought start coming in his head, by thinking from _why_ he got triggered back then in Ryeowook’s wedding to _why_ he had interest in marrying Hyukjae to begin with. Sure, he does love him, but the more he thinks about it, the more he feels that _he forces everything to Hyukjae_ , whether the dating and the marriage, or _the love_ , even.

_ The love _ he had for a whole more than two years after he realized his feelings for Hyukjae.

(And somehow, he feels sorry to Hyukjae for keeping up with him, and ended up their feelings being mutual, although it’s the first time for them having relationship with the same sex.)

Donghae heaves a big sigh after _the thought of asking Hyukjae to marry him_ returns his mind again, which soon follows Siwon’s faces that mouthed _do ask him at least his opinion or talk it out with him_ , haunting him. Other than Siwon, Heechul already warns him for _being playing too safe_ , but _still…_

_ Still. _

_ He can’t do it. _

“Hey, you’re done?”

Hyukjae’s call snaps Donghae to reality, realizing that the stew almost overflow that he reflexively turns off the stove. As he sighs again before he turns his back to Hyukjae, who surprisingly behind him and throwing him with a curious look, he throws the older man a little smile as he asks, "Where were you?" but soon he stops when he notices Hyukjae changed his clothes to a short pants and oversized t-shirt, which he couldn't help but stare the expanse of the older man's smooth legs as he says, "Never mind, no wonder you took so long.” While his hands unconsciously approach Hyukjae’s exposed legs as he asks, “Did you shave?”

Humming, he replies, “The shoot I have at next Sunday needs me to wear shorts so I need to shave it now.” But soon Hyukjae beams, rather proud, “It looks good, huh?” Donghae hums in approval, feeling the smooth skin on his palm, unconsciously slides through Hyukjae’s shorts. “Hey, hey, don’t touch it like that—” soon Hyukjae yelps when Donghae reaches his butt, reflexively slaps his hands away as snaps, “Hey!”

Yet Donghae doesn’t look sorry at all as he exclaims, “Why your butt is really flat though.”

“Well, sorry for being skinny!” Huffing, Hyukjae slaps Donghae’s head rather annoyed before he turns his body to the stove, checking the food Donghae has been cooking a while as he lifts up the lid of the pot. “Oh, you cooked _sundubu jjigae_ huh.”

Seems unaffected, Donghae only hums as he takes two rice bowls before he walks to the rice cooker as he asks, “Do you want to eat now?”

“Yeah, can you get me the rice too?”

“Take out some kimchi for the side dishes then.”

“Alright.”

They ended up having their dinner pretty fast, since both of them apparently hungrier than they think they are as the foods got emptied faster than usual before Hyukjae take initiative to clean the dishes, leaving Donghae still eyeing the smooth legs of the older man’s from behind, checking from the bottom to the top while can’t help but wondering as he unconsciously gulps when the legs move a bit, changing the position to more _presentable_ way to him.

He does know that Hyukjae shaves his legs sometimes, but this is probably the first time he shaved it after they are dating, and somehow, it’s probably Donghae’s first time of finally noticing that Hyukjae’s legs are actually _really pretty_.

Like, it probably fits so right in his palms if Hyukjae allows him to.

“Are my shaved legs that great that makes you keep staring at it?”

Donghae immediately looks up, only to found a dumbfounded Hyukjae, both of his eyes throw him a baffled stare.

Well, _it is_ , so he brazenly replies, “Uh-huh, it is.” Showing no shame of admitting it.

“What a brazen reply!”

“What, why should I lie if it really looks great?” blinking, he lowers his gaze to Hyukjae’s legs again before he speaks up, complimenting him, “Your legs _do_ look great.”

Hyukjae scoffs, mouthing _yes, yes, thanks for that_ before turns his back, putting the wet plates and pots to the rinks before he turns his back again, eyes squinting as he asks rather warning Donghae, “You’re gonna keep staring like that?”

“I can’t?”

“Nope.”

“Aww.”

“Don’t _aww_ me, dammit. Stare at something else!” he groaned as he splashes some water to Donghae, but the latter only chuckles in return while dodging him.

Donghae’s grinning rather sly as he states, “But you’re _pretty_ like this.”

“Ooh, look at this guy? Just how brazen are you going to go?”

“Is it wrong of me want to compliment my dear, hm?” Donghae gets off his seat, walks to Hyukjae who does react to his compliment by the hints of feeling happy clearly seen in his face, masked by his annoyance, as he asks again, “Do you dislike it?”

Hyukjae sighs, partially denies by saying “Of course I am!” but his face says otherwise, before he realizes what Donghae is trying to do as he warns, “Don’t get closer, you.”

“Why?” he drags out the question, leaning closer to Hyukjae by both of his hands on the counter, blocking the older man to prevent him to escape. “It burdens you?” Hyukjae mouthes _of course it is!_ In reply, which actually makes his heart feels like being lightly flicked by his response, but Donghae keeps smiling as he says, “But I want to?”

“Don’t be like that,” Hyukjae’s whine goes louder as Donghae teases him by leaning even closer, leaving their face only three inches apart, the tips of their nose almost touched, which _he looks so cute right now_ by the way his entire face reddened _._ “Don’t be like that!”

Chuckling, Donghae finally stops, only ruffling Hyukjae’s hair in return before he apologizes while turning his back, “Alright, alright, I’ll stop then.” As he secretly sighs, actually relieved for some reason before he turns his back again to Hyukjae and says, “Then since you’re already being fed and you have schedule tomorrow so I’ll just go home then?”

It seems that his action confuses Hyukjae by he reflexively mouthed “You’re not staying the night?”, which Donghae immediately answers by shaking his head, yet it makes the older man frowns, “You sure?”

“Yeah, I actually have meeting on tomorrow afternoon so I’m gonna pass on that.” He stops, noticing some specks of disappointment on the older man’s face before he grins, “I’ll see you on Sunday?”

Soon Hyukjae’s eyes sparks in delight, but he plays it off by being coy as he calmly nods, “Uh-huh, I’ll see you on Sunday, then.”

Donghae lightly nods before he excuses himself out of Hyukjae’s apartment, only to be stopped by the latter for a goodbye kiss on the cheek and an embarrassed smile from the older man in return.

He returns the kiss on Hyukjae’s forehead in return before he went home, strangely feels relieved more than anything.

Which is, Donghae sure, isn’t a good sign.


	9. last part [kinda m-ish]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is going to be the last chapter of this fan fiction, so I want to thank you guys for all the subs, the kudos and for reading this story! hope to see you again on my next project (if it's possible)!
> 
> and no, no smut, unfortunately. i can't bring myself to write it. sorry for disappoint you in advance. :(

_‘Mom, can I come to home at Saturday’s noon this week?’_

_‘Why can’t you? Nobody stopping you, dear.’_

So Donghae did, with a basket of fruits in hand, while the other hand pushing the bell of his home.

And a sigh comes after that, too.

He did have a meeting… or rather, a self-made meeting with his mother.

The purpose actually obvious, by the rollercoaster of emotions he has been riding in the last four months long, he can’t help but being stressed for keeping it from Hyukjae—and he does realize that he can’t budge Siwon forever for his relationship problems—and coming to his other home to meet his mother is like an oasis in a desert to him.

For seeking comfort, it is.

(And from the tiny part of his mind keeps telling him to tell his family about his relationship with Hyukjae as soon as possible or he will going to get even crazier than he is now if anything goes wrong even before he had chance to tell them.)

The door suddenly opens, with his mother is the one who greets him with such warm smiles of hers as she pulls him for a hug while says “It’s been a while, isn’t it?” which Donghae couldn’t help but return the hug and chuckles in return.

Donghae does feels guilty, however, “Sorry for not visiting you often, Mom.”

“What are you saying? I know you’re busy, it’s alright already.” His mother sighs, rather upset by jokingly pinches Donghae’s sides, but her warm smile stays still. “Just pay a visit when you’re free, alright?”

“Okay, okay,” but his sides aren’t okay by the way he cringes when he answered her while he rubs his sides. “Mom, I’m hungry.”

“God, this kid, seriously.” She pinches for the last time before she says “Good thing I already cook for you, you know.”

Donghae slyly grins in return, “Mom is the best, really.”

His mother only scoffs in return as she flees to the kitchen, with Donghae tailing behind her only to put the basket on the dining table.

They have their lunch after that, by Donghae’s mother chats in between, telling on how has she been doing these days—she’s into DIY with the other mothers in this house complex these days and the recent thing she has been making is scented candles—while occasionally asking about Donghae’s too. Donghae does tell her about how he’s been doing, but it’s still the same old _tight deadlines, Siwon’s keep nagging me, and others that are work-related._

It’s been a while since he came home, so sitting in front of his mother and just enjoying lunch like this while chatting with her sure calms and soothes him.

When they’re done by the lunch and now having cups of tea and snacks for dessert, Donghae musters his courage as he calls, “Mom.” Which his mother only hums in reply, making him clenching his fist tightly as he hesitantly confesses, “I’m dating Hyukjae right now.”

And he stops, holding himself to keep his head high, trying to see any reactions that will comes out of his mother although _he really is scared inside_ _on how she will react whether badly or not_ , suddenly forget how to breath.

_He really is scared. Like, badly._

However, his mother shows no response before she suddenly asks, “Hyukjae? Lee Hyukjae?” which he only anxiously nods in reply, and still doesn’t show any response even after that. Donghae actually understand if her mother won’t react in a good way, since it would be a little difficult for her to suddenly accept one of her sons become gay like he is now, but when he remembered that Hyukjae’s family actually sounded so accepting he can’t help but hoping the same, and it’s kind of heart-clenching to him. “Are you gay now?”

“I’m—” he’s not even sure about his own sexuality, actually, but… “I… I don’t know, Mom. I only feel this way to Hyukjae, so…” soon he stops, sighing as he starts fumbling with the teaspoon he has been holding for a while rather anxiously. “But what I’m sure is, Mom, I love him.”

Donghae is greeted by silence after that.

While his eyes still on his mother, who silently sips her tea without replying, he silently sighs under his breath, making him can’t help but having negative thoughts coming at him at once. It would be easy if one of them is a female so he can have this talk without worrying about anything, but that’s… that’s not the case right now.

Not when he already has a marriage in mind, with Hyukjae to boot.

“I see.” He abruptly snapped into reality when he finally notices his mother only smiles in return, sipping the last drop of her tea before she puts it down and asks, “Have you told Donghwa about this?”

“I… no.”

“Well, Hyukjae is a good kid,” she finally looks at Donghae, but her smile still as warm as ever before she says, “I don’t see why not.”

But as Donghae thought it’s still not assuring enough for him, so he asks again, rather anxious and nervous, “You… you’re not mad?”

His mom, however, lightly chuckles in return. “Should I?”

“No! No, but…”

His mom sighing rather soft, her gaze turns softer as she reaches Donghae’s hands, grabs them rather tight as she exclaims, “You’re old enough to decide what’s best for you, all I can do here is to assist you, Donghae- _ah_.”

Donghae timidly grips his hand tighter on his mother’s soft hand, biting his lips anxiously as he asks, “Even if I already have marriage with Hyukjae in mind?” he expected his mother to brush him off by taking her words back but she surprisingly only nods, assuring him. “You do?”

“Yes, my son, even that.” His mother smiles even wider before she lifts both of their hands and softly kiss their knuckles and says, “Bring him on the next time you visit me, alright?”

Donghae only smiles in return before he kisses his mother’s hands back, throws her a small relieved laugh after that.

After a while, when Donghae cleans the dishes while his mother wandering around the fridge, probably picking the side dishes for him to bring home, she suddenly asks, "Have Hyukjae's parents know about you guys?"

"Well," Donghae finishes the last plate, putting them on the rink of the dishwasher to dry it off. "He said his family strangely so accepting when I asked."

"Then about the marriage?"

 _Straight to the point as usual, huh._ “I don’t know, I mean, I haven’t told him, and both Heechul-hyung and Siwon are the only one who know the plan." but soon he sighs. Would it really possible to happen? Although they already know each other for more than half of their life, being committed in a marriage is another thing that he shouldn't take lightly either. "Mom," he calls, rather exasperated, soon asks, "Do you think I'm rushing things for wanting to marry him?"

"Well," she finishing of whatever she has been doing for a while before finally closes the fridge door, looks confused as she asks, "Have you talked to him?"

"... talk it out to him is really the only way, huh." He sighs, dejected. At this rate, he's really the coward one as too afraid of the outcomes. "What if he reacts negatively, Mom?"

"You see, Donghae-ah," as she pulls the nearest chair, she sits down, looks up to Donghae with a soft gaze as she says, "If the reacting negatively you mean is rejecting you, it doesn't mean it'll be the end of the world."

"But—"

But his mother already cuts him off by saying "A marriage will not happen if one of pair isn't ready, my dear." smiling, she adds, "You guys haven't date for long, right? Just enjoy of what you have now. I'm sure if both of you are ready, it'll happen sooner than you think it is."

"But, Mom—"

"Well, you love him, right?" _of course he is_ "Waiting is a form of love too, you know."

Still feeling uncertain, he leans his lower body to the kitchen counter before he finally asks, "Is... Is it strange for me being desperate of marriage like this, Mom?"

Sighing, his mother finally rolls his eyes, probably starts to realize how a coward this son of hers right now. "Just when was your last time of dating someone, my son?"

"Uh... Long before the military enlistment, I think?"

"It's called _eager_ , Son. You two only dating recently right? It's normal to be eager at this period, you see, you confused the feeling of being desperate rather than eager." she sighs again, gently shakes her head, shows exasperation she has on her youngest son. "Do you get it now?" which makes Donghae blinks in a sudden realization, mouthing a long 'oh' in enlightenment. "Goodness, I can't believe my son is this fool when it comes to love..."

_Well, Donghae feels so stupid that he wants to crawl in a hole and stay there for the rest of his life for agonizing this matter for too long shows his foolishness so it's fair to say._

But still, Donghae never feels more relieved than anything after she said that, finally able to smile his earnest as he approaches his mother to hug her, thanking her for finally lift the burden off his heart.

He stays there until dinner, doing the same to his older brother who came around evening, only to be remarked by _you’re old enough to know who’s best for you, you don’t have to ask our approval for anything do you?_ , clearly as accepting as his mother, only to be (jokingly) bullied after since it’s been almost a half a year since Donghae came home, clearly not letting him go home anytime soon.

One thing he’s sure is, he made a great decision of coming home—it sure is letting off some burdens on his shoulder—and all he needs to do now is facing Hyukjae off.

Facing his greatest worry which he has been agonizing for more than two years.

* * *

_'I'll be there around in a half hour.'_

_'Alrightttttt'_

He came to Hyukjae’s shoot around noon as he promised.

When he arrived, he can't help but being aware of his surroundings, knowing none of the folks that crowdedly running back and forth, having their own business by carrying props or setting the props. Donghae knows that a shoot will be hectic but he never knew it'll be _this extent._

But still, it looks admirable to think that there are lots of people involved in a shoot that probably only become a studio that is only around three to four minutes length.

The admiration last shortly after a realization suddenly hits him, _he knew none of them; how would he allowed to watch the shoot?_

_Hyukjae told him none of it!_

His instinct forces his brain to looks around, looking any tiniest possibility of finding any acquaintances from the studio Hyukjae worked at; it would be nice if it's Seulgi, but he wouldn't mind if it's Taemin or the youngest, Jisung, or, just, anyone that won't make him feels out of place there.

Anyone would be fine, really.

After he looks around in the speed of light, he never feels more relieved than anything when he notices Seulgi in his vision, immediately approaches her as he said hello, but soon frowns as he asks, "I didn't mean to be rude, but why are you here?"

As kind as Seulgi is, she only chuckles as her slim index finger pointing at Hyukjae, who's in the middle of monitoring the shoot with the other two boys as the latter said weeks ago as she exclaims, "Since I'm junior in the studio, the boss asked me to go too for a future reference, he said." but soon she asks, "Well, what about you?"

"Hyukjae told me to come?" it sounds like Donghae questioning her back instead of answering, but Seulgi shows no mind.

"I see," she hums, "Of course he would tell you to come." seems she knew that Donghae throws her a questioning look without her seeing, she only speaks up, "Don't mind me, I was talking to myself."

"O… kay?"

He decided to ignore Seulgi's remark, which clearly directed to him, or shading him, actually.

It turns silent after that, with him unknowingly became too engrossed in watching Hyukjae dances with other two members of the new boy group, flawlessly moves his body according to the rhythm, their feet lightly step as the dance goes fluid, moves sharp according to the exact beat. Hyukjae never fails to amaze Donghae when it comes to dance; the sharp move, how his body moves like he has no joint connected on his limbs, how every move he made always right on the unheard beats of the song, making it more mesmerizing than it should have.

But, actually, his expression completes it all; how he able to change to a completely different personas in a split of seconds will always amaze Donghae no matter how much he sees it.

(And the shorts Hyukjae wearing at the moment really compliment his long and smooth legs, like, it screams _really, really, great legs_.

And his brown hair that went to a darker like metallic brown sure does the trick for making him looks more amazing than he already is.)

After they took more takes and do some monitoring, Hyukjae finally notices him, completely drenched in sweat with a towel hangs on his neck while the other staffs fanning him to cool down, waving excitedly at him which he can't help but smile and waving back. As Donghae sees, Hyukjae tried to approaches him but one of the new boy group members suddenly calls him, checking whether they did a good job or not (based on their body languages, Donghae only could assume), making him giving up the idea and turns his back again to do some monitoring while cooling himself down.

Well, it's summer, and it's hot, and Donghae won't complain just because Hyukjae doesn't pay much attention to him when he is working.

Psh, an adult like him should have understand that much, isn't he?

Albeit saying that in his mind, he sighs as he looks around, a bit noticing that Seulgi already lost, minding her own world as her pupils eyeing the shoot, before notices that the other staffs show no sign the shoot will ended anytime soon. He checks his watch; it's only been an hour after he came here, and yet the tiniest bit of his brain screams _I wanna go home so bad._

But seeing Hyukjae looks on his happiest like this...

Maybe it's not so bad after all to endure a bit more.

* * *

It takes another three hours before the shoot finished and Hyukjae tiredly wraps his right arm around Donghae, mumbling _'dammit I'm getting old'_ and the latter can't help but laughs and patting his back while mouthed _'you've worked hard'_. Hyukjae only smiles it off before he let go of his arm before said "I'll pack my things before we go home."

"Did you bring your car?"

"No, I went with Seulgi earlier," the said girl already excused herself an hour ago, saying she has schedule of teaching the beginner class in the studio in thirty minutes. "What's for dinner?"

"What about take-outs at my place?" he asks while being dragged by Hyukjae to the place where he puts his belongings. "I reckon you're too tired to go anywhere right now."

Hyukjae clicks his tongue in response, sounds slightly annoyed as exclaims, " _Excuse me,_ I'm not that weak!"

"It's not about being weak, Hyuk-ah," Donghae sighs. "You're just _getting old_."

Hyukjae grunts. "Oh, _screw you_!"

Donghae can’t help but feels offended by Hyukjae’s uncalled stare. "Hey, I was just stating the facts!"

"That was a fact that you shouldn't even say to begin with!"

"Well, I'm sorry for trying to be realistic!"

"You know what," Hyukjae finally sighs, done with his packing as he says, "I'll take the offer and since _I'm old_ , I'll crash on your place tonight."

Following the sigh by sighing after Hyukjae, Donghae exclaims, "I'll just gonna cook ramyeon for us." turns his back to leave Hyukjae—who's still complaining behind him by _'is that how you treat your partner???'_ but Donghae only rolls his eyes in return—and walks to his car. "We're gonna go to the convenience store first before we go home, alright?"

He only hears Hyukjae grumbles in return but still said yes in the end.

When they really went to the convenience store, with Hyukjae on the farthest shelf, probably looking for another unhealthy sweet things or snacks, Donghae stuff his basket by things he needed before his eyes catch something on the cashier. He tried to not care at first, by sometimes stealing some glances to Hyukjae who now looks around the drinks shelf on the corner of the store, but soon he gulps as contemplating on how he _probably_ needs it sooner or later.

Well, it's... it's about the time, right?

They are already dating for four months so... it's... it's should be okay, right?

Clenching his fist, he checks Hyukjae for the last time before he approaches the cashier and quickly grabs a lube and condoms he has been eyeing for a while, quickly utter "Please put this on a separate plastic bag." while checks Hyukjae again, which now grabbing some beers for them, probably, and paying as fast as possible, minimizing the possibility of getting caught. He checks his shopping items again, making sure that Hyukjae won't notice, before he finally breaths, receiving the changes and thanking the poor boy as he goes outside to wait for Hyukjae to finish his.

Yet, he sighs soon after that.

The more he thinks about it, the more he feels stupid on how he hasn't talk about his worries to Hyukjae and yet here he is, bought contraception and thinking it's normal based on the period of their dating time.

God.

He really needs to talk it out tonight.

* * *

The first thing Hyukjae did after his apartment door closes are throwing himself to Donghae for a hug, by tightly securing his arms below the latter’s shoulder, which couldn’t help but startling the younger man that almost make them tripped on the front door.

 _This is really weird_ , considering on how Hyukjae is seldom attacking Donghae like this.

“What, what is it?” Donghae still doesn’t return the hug and let them stay still in the front door, while Hyukjae only buries his head deeper on the younger man’s shoulder in return. "Are you that tired?"

"No," with letting go of his arms and starts to sling around Donghae's neck, the older man throws him a smile as he says, "Just appreciating on how I'm loved by you."

Donghae monotonously replies, "When did I say that."

Hyukjae feigns ignorance by pondering as he grins, "Hmm a month ago I guess?"

Donghae only scoffs in a joking tone before he hugs him, wrapping his arms around Hyukjae's waist as he speaks up before pouts his thin lips, "Gimme a kiss then." Hyukjae pauses, throws a small giggle but only pinches Donghae’s pouted lips with his hands, which Donghae couldn't help but feigns annoyance as he leans closer for a peck, baiting the older man to kiss him, which he does complies in the end, before he says, "Are you doing this so we can eat out?"

Hyukjae's facial expression shows a feign shock as he goes along by asking back, "Oh my, how did you know?"

"If I buy us pizza do you still want to eating out?"

"Oh, no, I'll gladly take the offer then."

He deadpans, however, before he ruffles Hyukjae's hair and lightly patting as he says, "Go take a shower first while I'm ordering then."

"Alright—"

"And, uh..." he really needs to talk it out tonight, for the sequences he will get after that, he will think about that later. "We... we need to talk."

Hyukjae seems noticing how the atmosphere around the suddenly turns dark as he worriedly asks, "Is something wrong?"

 _It's not something you would call as 'wrong', but it's already heaving my mind since that time, and I really want to get over it as soon as possible._ "I'll tell you later."

Although Hyukjae only confusedly frowns in reply, soon he mouths _'I'll shower first then.'_ before leaving Donghae sighing for God knows how much, clenching his fist on his plastic bags tighter.

He needs to places his groceries on their respectively places—for the new items, he put them on the drawers nears his bed for _no reason_ —before ordering pizza for them.

This is going to be the hard.

(Both mentally and physically for Donghae, at least.)

Hyukjae shows up in the living room freshly showered when Donghae comes soon after he receiving the pizzas they ordered. "That was fast." Hyukjae comments while drying his hair with the towel.

"Uh-huh, they probably not that busy so it came faster than usual." Donghae puts the pizza box on the table before he slumps himself on the sofa, which Hyukjae soon follows. "Beers?"

"Nah, we can have that later," done with drying his hair, Hyukjae avert his gaze to Donghae, eyes questioning as he asks, "So what do you want to talk about?"

"Well..." Donghae takes a deep inhale before heaves a small sigh before he finally looks at Hyukjae straight to his eyes as he speaks up, "What do you think about marriage?"

Donghae expected Hyukjae to frowns over his questions and being negative but the older man only hums, shows no surprise on his facial expression while he replies, "Well, a marriage sounds nice." Hyukjae lays his back on the sofa, turns his head to Donghae—who already lays his sides to the sofa—as he asks, "Why, is someone getting married again?"

"Well, no, but..." Donghae scratches his head, contemplating on how he asks Hyukjae about how he sees marriage but he only sighs as he asks again, "I was wondering on do you see it."

Seems fathoming on what Donghae is trying to dig, Hyukjae lets out a small chuckle as he speaks up, "Is that what you're worrying about for these months?" _huh? How did he—_ "Hey, I already knew you more than half of my life, of course I noticed your _distress._ "

Wait, this is not what Donghae expected to be! "Hyuk—"

"Well, a marriage sounds _really nice_ ," Hyukjae smiles, though. "But isn't it too soon?"

"I figured that much, actually." Well, it's not as hurt as Donghae thought as Hyukjae responded him this nicely. "I tried to wait a little bit more to talk this out but maybe I'm too eager, huh."

Strangely, Hyukjae only laughs as he turns his head to the pizza box, probably already focusing on how he is going to gobble the pizza in front of him right now. "You love me that much, huh."

"Obviously," Donghae sighs, "I won't ask you to marry me so soon, so don't worry." but when he looks at Hyukjae, who turns his head again to Donghae with a half-eaten slice on his hand, what he got is a frowning Hyukjae that looks even more confused. "What, what is it?"

Hyukjae speaks up, rather vague. "I never said I didn't want to, you know." By his eyes still lands on Donghae who grown confused, he eats the pizza in a one mouthful as he adds with his full mouth, “Dwo you think—”

“Finish that first.” Donghae warns.

So Hyukjae did by emptying his mouth before he says, “I thought we already talked about this?” A frown from Donghae answers him. “You know, back then on our first day?” he pauses, seems trying to understand by the way the younger man’s facial expression involuntarily crumples into confusion by tilting his head as he asks, “Dude, our first kiss?”

He only blinks in response before carefully asks, “… what about it?”

“Well,” Hyukjae sighs, patiently explains, “You know, back then, when I came to your house without notice, and had our first kiss, sorry, I mean, before the kiss, haven’t we already talked it out?” he waits for Donghae’s response, which still stays the same for a while, before he sighs again while rolling his eyes before he snaps, “God, oh my God, Lee Donghae, seriously, GOD, I can’t believe I let myself dating an idiot, _oh MY GOD_!”

Blinking, Donghae still in the middle of trying to remember before it came to his mind as he spontaneously exclaims “Ah! That!” but only to get his head bonked by Hyukjae out of annoyance. “Why did you hit me?!”

“Because you’re _an idiot_ , obviously.” Hyukjae still looks annoyed, which Donghae can’t help but can’t say something back to him in order to not lit the fire even bigger. “So it’s not a whim of yours anymore?”

 _For Hyukjae to remembering the detail is…_ “It’s… not.” But soon realization hits him, eyes dilate in surprise before he exclaims for God knows how much, “WHAT SO YOU DO—”

“No, not anymore,” Hyukjae clearly looks pissed as he sighs, rather loud, ignoring how relieved Donghae looks at the moment. “I don’t want any idiocy infects me more than this—”

“Oh my God, Hyukjae, I really—” but soon he stops, noticing that Hyukjae is really mad by how his eyes squint so sharp it may bleed someone out, leaving his words unfinished. They stay silent for a while, with Donghae starts fumbling, playing with his own hands as he tries to come up something persuasive for Hyukjae so he won’t mad anymore but all he did in the end is sighing in defeat, unable to come up with anything. Him and his idiocy, seriously. “… sorry.”

By the way he speaks, Hyukjae is clearly still mad as his words came out as harsh in Donghae’s hearing. “You have nothing to sorry for.”

“No, I, I’m sorry, really,” Donghae still unable to looks up, still cursing himself on how poor he is to grasp the situation he was in earlier. _Stupid stupid stupid—_ “I don’t mean to forget it, you see, I… I just, I have lots in my mind lately—” he stops, control himself since he feels his lacrimal gland starts to do its work and he doesn’t want to be seen of using his tears to get his way by calmly take a deep breath by a full effort. “On… on whether do I even deserve you as a partner that stays for the rest of our life, since let’s just admit, I reckon you might not never think of me as a potential interest before I proposed you out of blue, right?” he can tell Hyukjae is waiting for him to finish without him looking. “I’m afraid, Hyukjae, I am. I’m afraid—”

“Hey, Donghae, that’s a bit—”

“I really am afraid of wishing more than I capable of, Hyuk-ah. I do realize that I’m being impulsive, and I know it’s probably too soon for us, but I can’t help it.” Donghae finally looks up, lets out a small smile he tried to show to not worry Hyukjae—and he believes it must be looks bitter that makes the older man doesn’t react well of him—as he says, “Do you get it now? I love you, but I’m afraid my selfishness might ruin everything for you; your job, your friends’ circles, your everything—”

But all the response he got from Hyukjae is the latter only deadpans, looks the most baffled he has ever seen in his life before all he says is: “Are you being fucking serious right now?”

Donghae frowns, “What are you—”

“Don’t you put words in my mouth, Lee Donghae,” Hyukjae sighs again, still exasperated. “Let me clear myself, alright? I do admit that I never see you that way before, I really didn’t, _back then,_ ” he momentarily stops before he says, “But,” he reaches Donghae’s trembling hands as he smiles the one Donghae really love it hurts. “That doesn’t mean I’m dating you just because I’m what you think I am, you know.” He scoots closer, calmly patting Donghae’s hands he speaks up, “Let me ask you, have I ever rejected every physical encounter from you? Like, have I ever avoided your kiss? Heck, I even muster my courage to seduced you back then!”

“W-well! I, I thought you were trying to _just went along with me—_ ”

“I’ll be frank, just because I _went along with you_ , that doesn’t mean I would ever allow you to fondle my dick, dammit.” _Ah, that’s actually makes sense._ “I wouldn’t even make effort to seduce you if I don’t have any feelings to begin with, you know.”

Donghae lets out a dumfounded exclaims, “Ah, that’s true.” Which only got his head slapped by Hyukjae out of annoyance afterwards. “Hey, that hurts!”

But Hyukjae ignores him before he asks, “You love me, right?”

 _Yes yes yes yes and yes._ “Yes, Hyukjae, _very much_.”

“Then you should know that I, Lee Hyukjae, is _genuinely_ love you.” Hyukjae sighs, leans closer to momentarily meet Donghae’s lips with his before he smiles, _very assuring_ in his eyes, while continue, “Can I ask you a favor?"

His lacrimal glands are in the verge of breaking down, but his confusion prevents Donghae to let if fall any soon. “What is it?”

“If you’re so afraid of being coming off as _too desperate_ ,” he smiles, both of his hands wrap Donghae’s face on palms before he suggests, “I’ll let you think for some more as we take things slow.” That’s… easier than Donghae think it is. “I’m dating you because I know you’re serious about me and you’re the type who is serious when it comes to relationship with having intention of marriage from the beginning, _and_ I already know you so I can trust myself in you, so don’t be so stressed about it, alright?”

It feels overwhelming for Donghae at the moment, which all he can do is saying “Thank you.” He stops, momentarily pensive as he put his hands on top of Hyukjae’s, finally able to feels his chest as light as feather as the lacrimal glands of his unable to hold itself anymore by involuntary shed a tear, showing how relieved he is at the moment. “God, I love you so much.”

A gummy smile Donghae adored so much appears on Hyukjae’s face, looks actually relieved as he replies with the same energy as the younger man is. “I love you too.” although soon he laughs, rather baffled this time. “It’s not like I don’t want to marry you, alright? I just don’t want you rushing everything without planning it through. Let’s enjoy of what we have right now while getting used of each other since dating is a new whole world for us.”

Donghae sniffs, bearing himself to not snort the mucus rather ungracefully but he nods anyway as he says, “Alright.”

Hyukjae scoffs, however, still as baffled as he is a while ago while wonders rather out loud, “And I was wondering why you never hold me although it’s been months after _that_.”

“Hold in which way?” Donghae only scoffs in reply, getting his tear wiped by Hyukjae’s thumbs. “Hm?”

Groaning, Hyukjae lightly pinches Donghae’s cheeks rather annoyed. “ _You know what._ ” 

Donghae slyly grins as he asks, “Should I?”

“Do you not find me attractive to the point I should be the one who keeps asking you?” sighing, Hyukjae clearly needs no answer as he pulls Donghae’s cheeks harder this time before he lets go and get off the sofa. “I’ll get the beers.” He leaves even before Donghae has the time to response him.

They spend the night with marathoning movies that Donghae finally able to pay attention and get drown on its story.

He never knew how distressed he actually is until he realizes how relieved he was after he talked it out with Hyukjae, which he couldn’t help but curses on his own stupidity of not doing it sooner, forgetting how rational and logical Lee Hyukjae actually is.

Very blinded, if Donghae must say, and as expected there’s a reason why Siwon is able to be such a great CEO with him able to pick a decision that makes him go forward to build his business.

(And stupid, even idiot, according to Hyukjae.)

And being leaned on by Hyukjae after they finished the pizza and beers while watching the movies, one he never realizes, is actually feels pleasing and makes him even more stupid on how he overseen everything Hyukjae has done on him just because of overthinking over things that already clear to begin with; he just doesn’t pay enough attention of it.

Although it makes him realize how stupid he is, it makes him realize too on how much he really loves Hyukjae and how much the latter actually loves him too.

He takes his chance to plant kisses on top of Hyukjae’s head, which the latter already immersed in the movie, before he combs the older man’s hair gently, smiling by himself. _This is really nice_ and Donghae really doesn’t mind of doing it for the rest of his life if it’s possible.

(Being old together seems like a good idea he ever thought.)

“Hey, by the way,” Hyukjae speaks up, eyes still on the screen as he asks, “Tomorrow is a day off, right?” Donghae only hums in reply. Tomorrow is marked red in his calendar, which Donghae has no obligation to go to work since there’s no important meeting that he needed to attend so he can rest that day. “Wanna go somewhere?”

“Not really, I just wanna rest all day.” Date can be fun but sometimes he only wants to laze around like an old man he is. “You don’t have any schedule?” Hyukjae mouthed _no_ in reply. “Hmm, alright.” Something suddenly comes to his mind as he reflexively utters, “But do you have any plan though?”

“Well… no.”

“Let’s just sleep more later.”

“Doesn’t sound so appealing.”

“Or we’ll see tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

They return to watch the movie which already hit ten minutes before the ending.

It takes another half an hour for Hyukjae to be sleepy enough to go to bed first, which when Donghae follows him after he washes his face and brush his teeth, Hyukjae already sounds asleep under the summer blanket, back facing him with a light snore sometimes can be heard from him.

Donghae only smiles by the view before he joins and spoons the older man from the back, arms gently wrap on Hyukjae’s waist while burying his face on the latter’s back, murmuring _good night, angel,_ as he slowly drifted to the dreamland.

* * *

That night he dreamt of a naked Hyukjae writhing under him, sweats glazing on his skin as he put his chin close to his chest while hands on Donghae’s back, clawing his back as he put it further.

That red plump lips which dirtily moans Donghae's name.

The tears that involuntarily comes out as the latter tried to make himself comfortable—

It wakes him up rather abruptly.

As he catching his breath, he looks around to find Hyukjae still soundly asleep before he checks under the blanket, only to find his raging member under his pants, leaks some of its produce.

Sighing, he looks around again to check the time.

It's still five am in the morning.

Sighing again, he decided to get up and take care of himself first while having a cold shower when he's at it.

(Although the mental image of Hyukjae _like that_ still lingers on his mind even now.)

“Why did you shower this early?” was Hyukjae’s half-asleep question when Donghae came out of the shower a half an hour later, looking up through the blanket that covers his back by his pronate position, rolled down to where Donghae is while hugging a pillow. “An urgent meeting?”

He tried his best to not look like a robber get caught selling his robbery items by coughing it off, excuses like “No, I just want to.” as he smiles. _It should be working, right?_ “Want me to make breakfast right now?”

“Sleep a little bit more,” Hyukjae whines, patting the empty space beside him. “Come hereeee.” _But…_ “Donghae-ah,” he whines, _again_ , which Donghae can’t help but clench his fist behind his back. “I’m colddd."

“But… you’re literally being draped by blanket right now.”

Hyukjae looks so baffled that he sighs, reflexively throws Donghae’s pillow on the latter. “Dammit, Donghae, you’re supposed to be romantic here, what happened to you?”

 _Something is happened in my dream and I was dreaming you being naked and all and all I wanna do right now is calming myself down but you just make things harder of being whining cutely like that_ —is what Donghae trying to say but he shoves it down to his throat, instead he says, “Wow, I’m flattered that you _wanted me_ so much.”

“Yes, I am, so come here, dammit.” Hyukjae sighs, but he still sounds whiny in Donghae’s ears which he can’t help but clench his fist even tighter. “Donghae-ahhhh.”

Sighing, he mentally surrenders as he says "Alright, alright," and throws himself to bed, immediately buries Hyukjae in a hug as he put his chin on top of the older man's head, hiding his nervousness when the mental image suddenly flints into his mind again and all he can do is groaning, but secretly in his mind.

However, he heard Hyukjae chuckles, which he can't help but asks why, the older man replies while giggling, "Why your heart is beating so fast?"

Donghae tries his hardest to not sounds surprised. "You're imagining things?"

"No, no," still giggling, Hyukjae leans closer to Donghae's chest as he says, "It is, though?" he looks up, meeting the younger man's face, that tried so hard to not look taken aback, as he asks with a knowing smile, "Were you having a _cold shower_ earlier?"

 _Damn Hyukjae and his intuition_. "Uh—"

Hyukjae won’t let it pass, though. "Was it me?"

"That's..." Donghae bites his lips, contemplating whether he needs to be honest or playing along without telling the truth. As he gets stared straight into his eyes by Hyukjae, curiosity clearly seen in his eyes, he sighs, defeated. "... yeah."

Hyukjae only giggles though, burying his head to Donghae's chest and speaks, although he can't see the older man, he can tell that he's smiling by the tone he uses in his voice. "So this is how your heart reacts for me, huh."

Instead of answering, Donghae only responds by ruffling Hyukjae's hair as he pulls the latter closer to him, lightly kisses his hair in between.

They stay like that for a while, with sometimes Hyukjae nudges into Donghae's chest, let out a satisfied purr when the latter strokes his hair gently.

Until Hyukjae suddenly speaks up. "Wanna do it, then?" and making Donghae's hand stops.

He looks down, rather rigid, only to find expectant eyes of Hyukjae's meet his, a knowing smile plasters on the latter as he asks again, "Do you?"

"Well, _do you?_ " Donghae asks back.

Unsurprisingly, Hyukjae nods. "Should I shower first?"

"No, you don't have to, but..." his gaze trails down to the distracting plump lips of Hyukjae's, slightly gulps on the view Hyukjae gives to him at the moment; slightly pouting lips with enlarged eyes of his, which is so fucking cute. "Are you sure?" he asks, again, as he slowly strokes Hyukjae's hair again rather gently.

"Dude, we're like, already thirty-two years old," although Hyukjae said it softly, the exasperation shows in his tone. "What are you being so careful for?"

"You." was an immediate reply from Donghae, a light smile comes after as he lightly taps Hyukjae's forehead. "I want to treasure you."

"I know you are." Hyukjae still looks determined as he softly frowns, "But it's been months after that."

"Well," Donghae softly pushes the frowns of Hyukjae's with his thumbs, "Did you find it enjoyable?"

Hyukjae sighs, however, as he clicks his tongue. "Are you a tour guide?"

Donghae rolls his eyes as lightly flicks Hyukjae's forehead. "That's not funny."

Hyukjae laughs, though. "Wanna try it out a bit then?" he softly gets off Donghae's chest, only to change his position by softly traces his hands on the younger man's sides with a knowing, sleazy smile. "I mean, we're dating, and..." Hyukjae beams as he softly laughs while his eyes crinkle sparks it hurts. "I don't know, it's natural, right?"

For some reason, Donghae really can't block Hyukjae's overwhelming soft side this morning off him which he can't help but sighing. "Eager, aren't we."

"Well, can't help it," as Donghae's hand get lifted by Hyukjae, the older man leaves soft kisses on the younger man's knuckles before he softly smiles. "Who wouldn't feel eager doing it with someone they love?"

That’s… well, kind of make Donghae's chest warms.

"I love you." Donghae blurts out, but he doesn't regret it. "Very much."

"Yeah," Hyukjae leans closer, hands on Donghae's chest before leaving a peck on the latter's thin lips as he smiles a smile Donghae never seen before, and it's caught him off guard by how it makes his chest soft and fuzzy. "I love you too."

Donghae takes the sign by tucking Hyukjae's fringe to his ear, softly smile as he tilting his head while cupping Hyukjae’s jaw only to bury him in a heated kiss, turning his back to be on top of him.

The kiss goes wild afterward, by Hyukjae instinctively reaches Donghae's shoulder while holding back his moans as the latter slowly attacks the older man's ticklish neck, leaving faded red trailed to his collarbones. Stopping for a while for catching his breath, Donghae manages to asks "Can... can I take off your clothes?" while both of his hands already on the bare skin of Hyukjae's hips, nervously bites his lips in between. "Or do you... do you want to keep it?"

"Well, which is sexier to you?" his smirks replied him.

"A wrecked Lee Hyukjae would always be the sexiest to me to be honest but," Donghae slightly pulls up Hyukjae's t-shirt up to his chest, showing both nipples that slightly perked in arousal. "To this extend?" a small nod approves him. "I'll... do it?"

But Hyukjae only replies him with a grunt as he lightly slaps Donghae's head, growing both impatient and embarrassed as he snaps, "Don't announce everything, Idiot! I—" his words got cuts off guard, only to moan when Donghae giving the older man’s nipples some attentions with his thumbs. “That’s cheating—”

Donghae decided to shut the older man up with kissing him as his hands working on the latter’s body.

As both eagerly touching each other’s buttons, Donghae tightly gripped Hyukjae's waist, drawing circles on his hip bone while it drew a long moan from the older man, needy and unashamed. It made him more courageous by he trailed his fingers to Hyukjae's torso, feeling every defined line on his abdomen before he reached his chest, lightly teasing his nipples by tweaking and pinching it, which made the moans grew even louder.

God, it made Donghae wanted to hear it again even more.

Donghae's mouth stops, breaking the kiss lightly pulls himself back only to see how trashed Hyukjae is right now, eyes closed with a light drool on the corner of his plump lips, body lightly trembles in excitement. He can't help but does a small tweak on Hyukjae's nipples again to tease him, which only making the latter shuts his eyes more while biting his lower lips, holding himself to not moan, probably realizes how needy he sounds right now.

God, Hyukjae being like this is really alluring in his eyes.

"Hyuk-ah," He calls while he leans closer to Hyukjae's ear, lightly giving bites on his earlobes as he whispers, "Are you sure you still want to going on?" an immediate response answers Donghae with a nod. -"Let me know if you want to stop, okay?"

Both of Hyukjae's hands gently grab Donghae's hair, tugging him up to face the older man as he says, a little panted, "I… will," but soon a small smirk plasters on his face, "If I remember." as he pulls Donghae for a kiss by tilting his head.

Donghae stifles a laugh between the kisses, helping himself to take off Hyukjae's t-shirt when he breaks the kiss as he asks, "But really, let me know, okay?”

Hyukjae obediently raising his arms to help Donghae takes off his t-shirt while replying, slight annoyance hints in his tone, "Okay, will you stop that, it’s getting annoying.”

Donghae throws the t-shirt away, scatters it on the floor, soon lets out a scoff when Hyukjae responds with a pouty yet aroused look which he can’t help but leave a small peck on it. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

The older man sighs as he rolls his eyes while his hands grabbing the hem of Donghae’s shirt, lightly tugging it as he says, “Don’t worry, I’ll help you so we can reach nirvana together.” Soon Hyukjae scoffs, baffled by his own words but his eyes do look sincere before he leans to Donghae for a peck and asks, “Can I take off your clothes?”

Instead of answering, Donghae raises his arms, letting Hyukjae taking off his t-shirt as he warns, “But really, tell me if you want to stop, okay?”

“Alright, alright, I’ve already heard you for the first time.” Hyukjae throws Donghae's clothes away, only to be landed on the floor while he smiles with his eyes turn crescent. "I trust you."

 _God, that smile..._ the smile that Donghae can’t help but making him surrender. "Alright, then…" Donghae nervously looks around as he asks, "Do you... by any chance... already know how to do it?"

A frown clearly seen on Hyukjae's forehead. "Uh-huh, why?"

"Uh... lube? Condoms?" Donghae nervously asked, trying to make sure that Hyukjae did know about it. God, this is more embarrassing than their first kiss, really. "Do you know that we should use that?"

Soon Hyukjae blinks rather confused. "Do we have to?"

“Uh… yes, we have to.” Donghae can’t help but laugh rather embarrassed. An aroused and confused Hyukjae is surreally cute.

"Do you have it?" He blinks several times, seems trying to grasp the situation as he reflexively tilting his head, murmuring _do you keep it on drawers or something?_ as he gets off the bed, trying to look for it on the nearest drawers. "Do you keep it here?”

Donghae really tries not to jump onto Hyukjae who unconsciously jutting his bums to his direction, reminding him that they can't, they really can't, not if there's no helper like lube or condoms—it's better to be safe after all. "Uh-huh—do you find it?”

It makes Hyukjae turns his back, eyes squint rather questioning as he asks while the wanted items already on his hands—both condoms and lube, "Just how much did you read about this kind of thing, by the way?"

"Uhhhh _lots_?" Hyukjae frowns harder in return. “What, I’m already passed the legal age for that, don’t give me that look.” It only makes Hyukjae frown goes deeper. “Why why why _why_?”

A baffled laugh rolls out of Hyukjae’s pretty lips, before he only sighs as he turns thin lipped. “Nothing.” As he hands the _necessary items_ to Donghae. “Just appreciating on how prepared you are.”

Donghae is kind of feeling wronged as he asks, “Is it a compliment or a sarcasm?”

All Donghae get is Hyukjae shrugs his bare shoulders as he replies, “ _Probably_ both.” He throws himself on the bed, arms stretch to Donghae as he says, “Hurry, then, old man.”

“Oh, you’re going to regret of calling me _old man_.”

The smile Hyukjae gives is provoking and enchanting, and Donghae founds it sexy as his lower region aching in need. “Really? Show it then.”

Lee Donghae is a person who always complies when he got challenged, especially from Hyukjae, so he did by pulls him again for a kiss as his hands found its way to Hyukjae’s pants, slowly tugging it down while the older man reflexively circling his arms around Donghae’s neck in reply as he deepening the kiss.

* * *

If Donghae allowed to be honest, he’s kind of proud on the marks that turned purplish he left on Hyukjae.

His neck, his nape, his shoulder, his collarbones, his ribs, his inner thighs—

_It’s pretty._

Although Hyukjae protested afterward, on _how he should face his crew tomorrow with the marks on his neck_ _as he can’t wear goddamn turtleneck in summer_ , but Donghae rolled his eyes, saying the most brilliant idea he ever said by _there is a technology called make up, Hyukjae, concealer should work, right?_ that Hyukjae can’t help but frowning and deadpan as he exclaims, “How did you even know about make up.”

“One of my exes was a makeup artist, so.”

“Oh,” Hyukjae can’t rebut that, and Donghae able to fills the prolonged silence by _right, how can I forget?_ but the older man instead said, “Don’t leave marks on visible areas next time, though, okay?”

“Can’t promise that.” Donghae only laughed in return, and Hyukjae can’t hold his urge to bury the younger man to death by stuffing his face by nearest pillow he can reach.

Donghae let Hyukjae to sleep more, as he takes a shower again for the second time today before he makes breakfast for both of them, humming rather triumphantly as he throws every ingredient he has been chopping for a light stew.

Right now, he can confidently that he is happy as the things are cleared up, freed himself from all doubts he has for a while, and already having a confirmation from Hyukjae that they are in the same wavelength when it comes to marriage.

Maybe it will not happen soon, he knows, as they (surprisingly) finding things they don’t even know they had back then they were still just a best friend, but Donghae believes he will get there, _of the day he finally brave enough to propose Hyukjae to realize his dream_ , and getting his own great ending by Lee Hyukjae on his side. 

He just needs to make it work with a better throughout plan than he did months ago.

(But probably not right now, all he needs to do right now is waking Hyukjae up to having breakfast—brunch, actually, as the clock already shows eleven o’clock—and taking him to a date after that.

That already sounds like a good plan, and Donghae can’t wait to start the day by spoiling Hyukjae today.)


End file.
